The Twins 12
by Ashura Ayanami
Summary: Self Insert warning... This is a story which my twisted mind has been able to create through sheer insanity! Ranma falls into the Nyanniichuan as usual, but then, because his father screws up, he ends up in another Spring... which one is it? take a look.
1. Default Chapter

Neo-37 Inc.  
  
Presents:  
  
  
  
The Twins ½  
  
  
  
  
  
By:  
  
  
  
RanmaNeo-37  
  
  
  
AKA  
  
  
  
1 Jesse Lawrence-Hayden  
  
MUAHAHAHA!!!! Guess who decided to come back for a sixth time! This is a new production by me, myself and my clan! This is a regular fanfic, so you don't have to worry about brain damage… uh, maybe I should reinstate the brain damage clause because my writing still sucks!!! I, unfortunately, do not own Ranma½ nor do I stake claim to any characters from that series. THE NEWEST CHARACTER, MYSELF, DEFINITELY BELONGS TO ME! TAKE IT AND I WILL RIP YOU LIPS OFF! Well, on with it. I'll give you all a chance to flame me later, since I still haven't put my email addy in any of my fanfics… heeheehee… Check me at RanmaNeo37@aol.com or ryoganeo_37@hotmail.com. This, basically, follows the original timeline of Ranma ½, but some of my influence is put in here as well… ^_^; Any C&C is welcome. And as usual, flame me… if you dare… MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
  
  
"Here's Ranma!"  
  
It was raining when the pair came into sight. Two identical redheads were dodging everything that this giant panda was throwing at them.  
  
"Baka Oyaji! Why the hell didn't you tell me about the engagement before we arrived?! Now, I'm stuck going with your sorry ass to this girl's house just so that your honor can be saved!!" the girl on the right said.  
  
"Calm down, man… the bastard is trying… very trying… but it gives you no right to hurt him that much," said the girl on the left. "Allow me to do that for you." She jumped into the air, grabbed the panda by the scruff of his neck and slammed him into the ground headfirst. "There… I feel so much better… You stupid ass motherfucker!!! I get why you did it, but why didn't you tell your kid about it!" Her eyes glowed a crimson color for a few minutes, and then turned back to an emerald green. "Kuso… let's go, kid… this old fart ain't even worth it."  
  
"I'm goin' back to China now, so suck-on-that, Oyaji!" the other girl stated.  
  
"HOLD IT! You ain't goin' back without me! Besides! I want to meet Akane. She's kinda cute… once you get past the whole violent tomboy thing," the one who threw the panda said.  
  
"Oh alright… besides, from the way you describe her she must be nice. I just hope she don't get mad at us because of him," countered the other.  
  
"Don't worry… she will get mad… just don't expect it to be because of that fat oaf."  
  
Their conversation got interrupted by a large panda with a big sign in its hand as it swung the street sign and hit the back of both of their heads. The girl who was bitching was out like a light, but the one who threw the oversized panda had one last thing to say. "I shoulda known that was comin'." Then she, too, was unconscious.  
  
****  
  
"At last, Ranma is coming!" the man said. "How I've waited for this day!" Tears were running down his face as he looked at the postcard. "And soon," he cried, "Very soon, Ranma will be here!" He turned away from the koi pond.  
  
"Listen up!" he shouted. "Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane!"  
  
The man walked into the kitchen of his home. A beautiful girl with brown hair and eyes was cooking something for dinner when the man walked in. "Kasumi!"  
  
"Yes, what is it, Father?" Kasumi asked politely.  
  
He then walked upstairs and into a room with a sign carved to look like the silhouette of a duck. Upon the sign was the word "Nabiki" in dull red Roman lettering.  
  
"Nabiki!" he exclaimed.  
  
Nabiki, a girl with short brown hair and eyes just like the other's, looked up from the manga she was reading. "Hmm?"  
  
The father, a man with long black hair and a mustache, walked into another room with a little duck sign on the door. The lettering on this one was "Akane."  
  
"Akane! Where is that girl!" he exclaimed since the person in question was not in her room.  
  
****  
  
  
  
In the dojo next to the house, another teenage girl was practicing a style of martial arts. She stared at the bricks before her, her forehead scrunched up in concentration. She was wearing a faded yellow gi, one that had seen a lot of practice sessions with her. Her long black hair was tied in a ponytail, and her brown eyes seemed to hold back a lot of anger. She finally let loose on the bricks. "HEEYAH!" The bricks shattered with the force of her strike.  
  
She grinned down at the messed she had made. "That felt pretty good!"  
  
The snap of a camera startled her. She looked up to see her sister holding a camera. "There you go again, Akane. This is exactly the type of thing that makes the boys think you're so weird."  
  
Akane tightened the belt of her gi and growled slightly at hearing the word "boy." She glared at her sister for a second. "So, why should I care, Nabiki? Not everybody thinks the world revolves around…" Her face scrunched up and took on a visage of agitation and disgust. "… BOYS!!!" She turned her head away in annoyance.  
  
"No?" Nabiki asked. She leaned off of the doorway and walked back towards the house. "Then I guess this wouldn't interest you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
****  
  
"Fiancé?" Kasumi exclaimed.  
  
"Yes," the father said. "The son of a very good friend of mine. His name is Ranma Saotome." He grinned slightly. "If one of you three girls were to marry him, and carry on this training hall, then the Tendo family legacy, would be secure."  
  
"Hey!" Akane exclaimed. She leaned forward,a scowl on her face. "Wait a minute, here. Don't we get to have some say in who we're going to marry?!"  
  
"Maybe you should wait until you meet him," Nabiki said. "You never know, he might be really cute." She looked up at her father. "Right, Daddy?"  
  
The father laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. He looked up from the postcard he held in his hands. "He'll be here any minute. Ranma and his father have been on a training mission. Recently, they crossed into China."  
  
"Ooh, China!" Nabiki exclaimed excitedly.  
  
"So he hiked all the way to China… Wow, big deal," Akane grumbled.  
  
"Father, how old is this, Ranma?" Kasumi asked, a worried expression upon her visage.  
  
"Is he cute?" Nabiki asked excitedly.  
  
"Young men are so sexy- I mean, so young." Kasumi mumbled.  
  
"Well, what kind of guy is he?" Nabiki asked, the excitement ready to bubble out of her.  
  
Mr. Tendo scratched the back of his neck and laughed nervously. "I don't know." His expression went back to a stolid one.  
  
"You don't know?" Nabiki asked, her annoyance finally beginning to show.  
  
"I've never met him."  
  
The three Tendo sisters each had a different expression on their faces. Kasumi was staring at her father, a worried appearance upon her visage. Nabiki had a slight look of annoyance marring her pretty features. And Akane was looking away, absolute disgust in her eyes for her father.  
  
*Oh please, I don't believe this!* thought Akane.  
  
Outside a koi jumped into the air and back into the pond, the sound distracting the three sisters for a moment.  
  
"Let go you old fool!" a voice said from down the hall. "They have no idea what's going to happen! Now put me down!"  
  
"Same for me…" a voice almost identical to the other said. "I don't know what will happen now that I'm in this place."  
  
Kasumi looked toward the hallway. "Looks like we have visitors."  
  
Nabiki stood from her spot, her kimono swaying with her movements. "Ooh! It must Ranma!" She ran out to see if it really was her new potential fiancé.  
  
Mr. Tendo smiled, a look of nostalgia crossing his face. "Saotome! My friend! We've been waiting!" He ran out with nabiki to meet his old friend.  
  
Kasumi mumbled, "I hope that he's older than me…"  
  
A moment later, both Mr. Tendo and Nabiki came running back into the dining area screaming.  
  
A giant panda carrying a person in one arm and a duffel bag in the other walked into the room. Next to them was another person who looked exactly like the first human.  
  
The one on the panda's shoulder spoke first. "C'mon, Oyaji! You- you're scarin' them spitless."  
  
The person next to the struggling panda and teenager scowled. "Will you two imbeciles stop fighting… We're at the Tendo Dojo now… SHOW SOME FUCKING MANNERS AND STOP FIGHTING, GOD DAMN IT!!!"  
  
"So father, this is your friend?" Kasumi asked, a worried tone in her voice.  
  
Mr. Tendo shook his head quickly, sweating more profusely than normal.  
  
"Oh, so this panda just decided to drop in, is that it? Huh?" Nabiki asked sarcastically.  
  
Once again, Mr. Tendo shook his head vehemently.  
  
The panda dropped its package and parcel of human. Mr. Tendo pointed at the one who had been put down and asked, "You… wouldn't be…?"  
  
The individual in question answered with an air of annoyance. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." The person looked down at the ground for a second, a tone of embarrassment in their voice.  
  
"At last! You're… here!" It seemed that Mr. Tendo couldn't quite believe his eyes.  
  
"Ooh! He is cute!" Nabiki exclaimed.  
  
"Um, Ranma, this is the mercenary-like one. Watch out for her… she's into gambling, extortion, and blackmail," whispered the other person. This did not go unnoticed by the rest of the household.  
  
Akane was the first one to get her ability to speak back first. "Um, who might you be?"  
  
The person in question looked at Akane. "I am Jesse Lawrence-Hayden, but since I am in this universe, you can call me Jisuse Saotome."  
  
"Okay, that was strange…"  
  
"Believe me it gets worse…"  
  
Jisuse's eyes widened when Mr. Tendo hugged Ranma.. "Kuso! I forgot!"  
  
Mr. Tendo wrapped his arms around his future son-in-law as thoughts of little red and black-haired children running around the house flowed through his mind. That was until he noticed something strange about the body he was hugging. It was too curvaceous. Almost like a girl's…  
  
Mr. Tendo ran his hands down the sides of Ranma's body, his eyes bugging out. "Uh… huh… wha…."  
  
"Oh boy, here we go… stand back Akane, he's gonna faint…" Jisuse said, a small grin on her face.  
  
Nabiki went up to the person, touching the enormous bulges on the front of Ranma's shirt.  
  
"Um, could you stop that?" she exclaimed, agitation and annoyance in her voice.  
  
"Ranma's not a boy," Nabiki shouted. "He's A GIRL!"  
  
"A…girl?" Mr. Tendo fainted right there on the spot. The last thing he heard was Kasumi crying out, "Father!"  
  
****  
  
"Over-dramatic fool… get some water, willya! Go, go, go!" a voice said.  
  
Mr. Tendo slowly opened his eyes to the sounds of his daughters bickering over something.  
  
"Oh poor father… he must be so disappointed…" Kasumi said as her father awoke.  
  
"I seen this conversation so long ago… yawn…" Jisuse yawned for effect.  
  
Ranma laughed slightly, since she knew what was coming up. "Um, why did you tell me this, Jesse? This is going to get me in trouble."  
  
"Just remember, Ranma…" She whispered in Ranma's ear. "I'll tell her before she gets into the bath. Just follow your god damn lines for once without sticking your foot in your mouth."  
  
They glanced back at the daughters for a minute before smirking.  
  
"He's disappointed? He's not the only one! Look at them!" Nabiki's bitching caused the pig-tailed martial artists to look at her crossly. "Some fiancés!  
  
"Stop it you two!" Akane scolded. "They are our guests!"  
  
Nabiki looked away from Ranma, Jisuse, and her sister.  
  
"Look everyone, Father's coming to!" Kasumi informed the room.  
  
"And the questioning begins. He he he…"  
  
"This is all your fault, Daddy! Don't you know the difference between a boy and a girl?" Nabiki's visage, marred with the appearance of annoyance and contempt, glared down at her father.  
  
"I assumed my friend Genma's son was a boy." Tendo-san answered.  
  
"Don't forget your lines… like you have any…" Jisuse grinned slightly. "Wait till she finds out… you just better hope she don't cook nothin' soon…"  
  
Akane's hearing was exceptionally good that day, for she heard Jisuse's words quite clearly. "What did you say?" she screamed, her eye twitching.  
  
Jisuse just sat there, waiting to be pummeled. "Come on, Akane… I know you can't cook… I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is… You'll never learn how to cook."  
  
Akane gasped, her eyes bugging out. She looked like she had been struck with two-by-four. "What gives you the right to talk to me that way?!" Her eyes glowed a dark red as she pulled a mallet out of hammerspace.  
  
"Akane Tendo, calm down before you blow an artery," Jisuse grinned slightly and grabbed the mallet out of her hand. "I always wondered where you got these…Sit down, Akane… I know you try hard…"  
  
Akane growled at the brash girl, her attitude starting to wear Akane's nerves to their thinnest. Ranma snickered slightly.  
  
"Excuse me, does this look like a boy to you? Huh, Daddy?" Nabiki followed that up with a grope of Ranma's well-endowed chest.  
  
"Please," she mumbled, a blush crossing her face. "I wish you'd stop that."  
  
"Heh heh… Ranma… you're such a wimp sometimes," Jisuse commented.  
  
"You heard what she said, Nabiki!" Akane scolded her older sister. "Now why don't you leave her alone. A guest is a guest!" She turned to Ranma, smiling politely. "Hey, you wanna go practice? I'm Akane.," she said as she blinked and opened her eyes, a genuine smile on her face. "You wanna be friends?"  
  
"Hold up, Ranma," Jisuse interrupted. "Um, Akane-chan? I'm sorry about before… it's just that I know a lot about this family… not anything personal, but enough to know that all three of you are dangerous in your own way. That's excluding your cooking…" She giggled a little, and then covered her mouth. "Oops… did that slip out?"  
  
Akane glared at the petite redhead for a moment, then turned away in disgust. "Don't talk to me!" To push the point, she grabbed another mallet and drove it down on Jisuse's head.  
  
"Ow… that hurt. This is gonna be fun…" Jisuse's smirk scared Akane for a moment, and then all three went outside to the dojo.  
  
****  
  
Out in the dojo, Ranma and Akane watched as Jisuse warmed up. She popped the vertebrae in her neck as she looked over at the two teenagers. "Ranma-chan, get started. I want to spar."  
  
Akane stared at Jisuse with a small amount of contempt. Didn't she know that this was her father's dojo? "Um, what exactly are you doing?"  
  
"I didn't learn Anything Goes from the Saotome family. This is my own form of the Indiscriminate Grappling Style." Jisuse went through a basic kata, making sure to keep her body low to the ground. She weaved and dodged as if fighting an invisible opponent, her moves fluid and graceful.  
  
"Okay… Ranma? You study kenpo, right?" Akane's eyes lighted up as she looked at the girl, hoping that she would have a good sparring session with her.  
  
"A little," Ranma answered, a nervous air about her.  
  
"Calm down Ranma… She is kinda cute, don't you think? The manga didn't do you two justice."  
  
"Oh shut up Jesse, now is not the time to think of that," Ranma retorted.  
  
"What a spoilsport… I hope your wedding day ends worse than it did now that I'm here," Jisuse countered.  
  
"N-nante? What on earth are you talking about?" Akane nearly screamed, her patience was starting to wear even thinner.  
  
"This is getting redundant… Calm down Akane-chan… you'll know soon enough. Isn't that right, Oto?" Jisuse smirked at Ranma, a knowing look in her emerald-lime green eyes. Ranma glared at Jisuse as actual anger filled her mind. "Ranma… don't get mad…" Jisuse looked away. "I'm sorry… You two should start sparring now."  
  
Ranma spared another glanced back at Jisuse, then looked at Akane. "Um, want to get started?"  
  
"Okay, Ranma!" Akane's excitement at having a worthy sparring partner showed through the charade she was trying to pull off by acting nonchalant. Ranma smirked slightly as Akane got into a fighting stance.  
  
Ranma stood there, looking down at the ground nervously. **How much should I hold back?**  
  
**Don't hold anything back against her. Trust me. She'll hate your guts if she finds out you were holding back.**  
  
**But I don't want to hit her…** Ranma thought.  
  
**Well, don't then. Just show her how good you really are in the Art of evasiveness.**  
  
After a few moments of Ranma standing there without bringing up her guard, Akane started to wonder. *Is she that good? Or is she just playing?* Akane frowned, throwing a punch at Ranma's face. She missed by a good 5 inches. She pressed her attack, kicking once, punching twice, and kicking once more, but each time, Ranma dodged.  
  
"What's wrong?! Attack me!!" she screamed. She punched at Ranma again, missing by a couple of inches. She punched at him twice, but Ranma ducked under the first, then dodged the second. *Why am I missing her? Is she reading my moves?*  
  
Akane growled quietly, then balled up her fists. "Okay, this time for real!" She screamed as she put all of her strength behind a final punch. Ranma grinned, flipping over her and landing silently behind her. Akane couldn't stop in time, and punched a hole in the wall. Ranma smirked and touched Akane's shoulder, signifying the end of the match.  
  
Ranma and Jisuse were silent for a second, and then started to laugh. Akane's irritation at losing seemed to disappear as she started to laugh as well.  
  
Akane walked up to Ranma. "You're pretty good." She smirked. "I'm just glad that you're a, girl."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma's mind seemed to blank for a second as guilt began to run through her.  
  
"It's just that, well," she turned away from Ranma, brushing her hair back. "I'm just really glad you're not a boy." Akane left Ranma standing there, this strange expression upon her visage. Jisuse frowned, knowing what was going through her friend's mind.  
  
"Yeah… all hell's gonna break loose when she finds out." Jisuse's green eyes stared into Ranma's sapphire blue ones. "But who knows what will happen?"  
  
****  
  
Ranma and Jisuse both warmed up again by going through one of their basic katas. Ranma grinned, knowing that he'd be in for one hell of a fight. "So, Jesse, you think you can beat the great Ranma Saotome?"  
  
"I'd keep that mouth of yours shut, Brother. Speed always was my specialty." A smirk appeared on the redhead's face, the smile in her green eyes intimidating Ranma a little. She jumped into the air, grinning as her friend did the same. "Let's see how good you are using the Neko-ken!!!" Jisuse grinned as a cat suddenly appeared in her hand.  
  
Ranma gasped, her body going stiff as a board. Her eyes widened to the circumference of a CD and she began to scream. Ranma was so scared; she hung to the ceiling, her fingers tearing holes in the roof.  
  
Jisuse started laughing, waving her hands as the cat disappeared. She grinned, waving her hands as another cat appeared in her hands. "Perfect ploy against Neko-ken trained humans and all people who have a phobia for cats." She waved her hands, making the cat disappear. "I can't believe you thought that was real! Didn't I teach you that stupid little trick?!"  
  
Ranma gasped as realization came over her. "You BASTARD!!!!!" She flew at Jisuse's head, missing by mere centimeters.  
  
"The great Ranma Saotome, scared of little itty-bitty kitties. Little ki- based illusion kitties at that! HAHAHAHA!!!!" Jisuse was rolling on the floor laughing, but jumped into the air as Ranma's foot came flying down at her head. "Whoa! Good to see you still have some fight left!"  
  
"I'll show you a fight, you fucking asshole!" Ranma's body twisted so that she landed on the ground. She launched herself into the air after Jisuse, but was thrown to the ground as Jisuse used a midair Amaguriken, hitting all of Ranma's pressure points, throwing in a special one that he picked up from somewhere. As Ranma was lying on the floor in a heap, Jisuse leaned down and blew lightly in her friend's ear. Ranma's body shuddered as a very pleasant feeling overcame her senses and nearly drove her insane.  
  
"Ranma… it's time we got something straight. You like Akane, right? What you've seen so far?" A smirk found its place to her face. "He he he… You will stay here, or I will do something so degrading to you that you will wish I had never been born. Not like you could do anything to me anyway, but I thought I should warn you. Don't leave her. Tell her sooner than the bath, all right? Show her what we are. She deserves it more than anyone else.  
  
"Ranma, I wouldn't ask this of anyone else, but I have seen enough to know that you can do this. I'll be taking your place during the bath."  
  
****  
  
In the bath, a certain giant panda was taking a bath. The water in the tub spilled out, going down the drain.  
  
****  
  
Mr. Tendo and a man wearing a white bandanna were sitting at the table with tears running down their faces. Mr. Tendo stared at the man, a sad but happy expression on his face. The man sitting across from him had the same look. They sat like this for a while, until Tendo-san decided to speak.  
  
"So that's it."  
  
"Mm-hmm," the strange man wearing the bandanna and dirty white gi said.  
  
Mr. Tendo looked away from his companion and stared at the sunset. "The life of a true martial artist is fraught with peril."  
  
****  
  
In another part of the house, Kasumi was leading the two redheads up to their room. "Trust me, Ranma. It'll be better to have the both of us in there. Safety in numbers…" As they entered the guest room of the house, Kasumi stopped and moved out of the way so that the two girls could walk up the stairs behind her.  
  
"I knew this looked familiar. Brother, we may have to hide out here for a while…" Jisuse reached over and clasped Ranma's shoulder. "There's nothing to worry about."  
  
Ranma and Jisuse both put down their duffel bags.  
  
Kasumi looked at the two girls, wondering if they wouldn't mind sleeping in the same area. "Ranma, Jisuse, you can use this room." She smiled politely, handing a towel to each girl. "Would you two like to freshen up and have a bath now?"  
  
"Uh, no thanks," was Ranma's reply.  
  
"Here, you've been exercising, haven't you?"  
  
"Uh, yes…" Ranma frowned. **How are you gonna get us out this!?**  
  
**You'll see** "Um, Kasumi-san? Jesse doesn't like to bathe with me for some reason… She gets embarrassed, I guess…" Jisuse put on the biggest puppy-dog eyed attack she knew how. "I'll go alone… Please?"  
  
****  
  
Nabiki walked down the hall, wondering how profitable the situation had become. Two babes suddenly pop up in her home, with nowhere to go because some stupid old man made a deal with the Tendo sister's father, and now a giant- Her thoughts stopped as she walked past the dining room. She blinked a couple of times, then walked on to the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen to find Kasumi still working on dinner.  
  
"Hey Kasumi!" Nabiki's curiosity was burning a hole inside her mind. "Who is that strange man sitting in our living room?  
  
Kasumi just shrugged. "Who knows?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
She smiled and looked at Nabiki. "Go tell Akane she can take her bath now."  
  
"Okay."  
  
****  
  
"God damn it, that's cold." Jisuse looked down at her body, relishing the cold water. "As much as I like this, I have to change. Even a hentai such as myself can't take being a female their entire life."  
  
****  
  
Akane stood outside the door, looking down at a pair of clothing that looked like it belonged to Ranma. The red silk shirt and black silk pants were a dead giveaway. "I guess we can both take our baths." She took off the yellow gi she had been wearing since the poor excuse of a sparring session. It wasn't that Akane wasn't good; it was just that Ranma was at least that much better.  
  
****  
  
Ranma wondered what Jisuse was doing. **What the hell are you gonna tell her?!**  
  
A voice in her head seemed to growl. **Tell her the truth of course. What did you think I was gonna do? Throw her to the ground and rape her? You really don't know me that well, now do you?** Ranma jumped up, scared out her wits.  
  
"What the hell was that?"  
  
**I forgot to mention… our telepathic powers were only growing. Since I am the creator of this little universe, I thought I'd give us some strange powers.**  
  
**Okay then. What the hell are you gonna tell her?!**  
  
**I'm gonna tell her about the curse and what we are. What else should I tell her?**  
  
**Don't tell her anything!**  
  
**Ranma Saotome, get your ass in here! It's almost time!**  
  
****  
  
*Akane-chan is gonna freak when she sees me…* Jisuse got out of the tub, and covered himself with a towel. *We are twins, after all… no sense in giving her a free peepshow…* He smiled to himself as the door started to open **Where are you, Ranma?!**  
  
**I'm comin' you asshole! Just wait a second! I'm at the door to the bath right now! Should I come in?**  
  
**Not yet, Brother. Wait till she starts to come back out. Subdue her before she grabs that damn table.**  
  
Akane walked into the bath at that exact moment, her eyes going wide. They looked like two super sized saucers.  
  
"Hello, Akane-chan! It's me, Jisuse! Fancy meeting you here!" Jisuse grinned from ear to ear. "I still say the manga didn't do you justice."  
  
The now male Jisuse smiled kindly at Akane, trying to get her to calm down. *At least Ranma won't be the one who receives the punishment.*  
  
Akane started to back out the door, but Jisuse grabbed her shoulders. "Akane, I can explain everything. Just don't scream."  
  
Akane broke his hold by throwing him through the bathroom tile, leaving a large crater in the floor. She continued to back away until she was in the changing room, where she proceeded to put her robe back on.  
  
**Now! Stop her! I don't want to die yet!!!!** Jisuse mentally screamed at his Brother.  
  
Akane backed out of the changing room, and put her back to the door. She gasped as Ranma appeared in front of her and hit the pressure point that put her to sleep.  
  
"Forgive me, Akane," she whispered.  
  
****  
  
"Come in here, Ranma! Hurry up and wash! We gotta get downstairs soon, or everyone will think something bad happened." Jisuse picked Akane up, hoisted her onto his back, and smiled. "She isn't light, that's for sure."  
  
"Don't be so callous, Jesse."  
  
"Eh, why not? After everything you went through, I would have thought that you would have gone insane. Hell!" Jisuse moved his parcel around a bit before putting her back down on the floor. "She's too fuckin' heavy!"  
  
Ranma had by now jumped into the bath, changing himself into a man. "Damn it... sometimes I wish I could just go and kill that old man for shit like this."  
  
"Well, we can't complain now… It's actually your fault for getting thrown into the second one… plus it was a Forbidden!"  
  
"How can you blame me for that, Jesse? I never wanted to go there in the first place!" Ranma fidgeted as he looked for the towel.  
  
"Okay, okay, let's just get this over with. I'll wake her up, and you go hide somewhere for now."  
  
"Alright."  
  
****  
  
Jisuse stood over the unconscious tomboy, wondering if he really should wake her. She seemed to be at peace for once, no longer angry at everything and everybody. *Boy, is she gonna be mad when she wakes up…especially when she finds out that Ranma is a man.* Jisuse pondered whether it would be better to keep her asleep for the rest of eternity, but finally decided that no one deserved that fate, no matter how violent or evil. "Better have some insurance…"  
  
Jisuse frowned, then hit the shiatsu to wake her up. A second later, he hit the point that paralyzes. He leaned down, and smiled warmly, hoping to calm her down. "Akane, you cannot speak or move your limbs. Calm yourself, and maybe, I'll take the pressure points off." Akane's eyes were still going wild, like a trapped or scared animal.  
  
"Guess not. Maybe this will work." The boy filled a bucket with some cold water and looked down at Akane. "Watch carefully, okay?"  
  
The man looked up, hoping to Kami that this would calm her down. He knew that there might be a chance that she went insane, but he saw no other choice at the time. Jisuse upended the bucket of cold water, transforming him into his female body. "We'll tell you more, just as soon as you calm down."  
  
"We?" Akane's eyes opened wide when she found that she could now speak.  
  
"It's wearing off… not much time…" The now female Jisuse smiled warmly again. "Akane-chan, I know this doesn't explain who I am or what, but just trust me. And don't scream, please. I'll put you to sleep again if you do."  
  
"How? How did you-?"  
  
"Change my sex? That's something the should be shared with the family." Jisuse knelt down and reached her hand out to touch Akane's shoulder. "This is not a dream, this is not your imagination. You'll find out soon enough."  
  
"Why should I listen to you, you hentai?" Akane glared at her as best she could.  
  
"Because, I'm actually seeing this with a clear head." Jisuse moved her hand to Akane's cheek. "Besides, why wouldn't you want to? You do want to know, right?" She grabbed Akane's wrist, stroking it gently. She stared into Akane's deep brown eyes, mesmerizing her with her own emerald-lime ones. "You want to scream, don't you? You think this is a nightmare. Akane, my dear, you don't know what a nightmare really is until you live Ranma's life and mine. Now, I'm going to undo the shiatsu, so I want you to listen carefully. Maybe I can save this timeline or somethin' cause we are all goin' down if anything goes wrong." Jisuse stood to her feet, pulling Akane up by the arm. She moved with lightning speed, undoing all of the shiatsu. "Um, you can stand now, Akane…" A blush made itself apparent on Jisuse's face.  
  
"Why are you blushing, you hentai?"  
  
"You were flashing me when you were paralyzed… You are a natural black…" The blush grew in intensity. "You know, you are rather cute. Ranma would probably love you as a bride if only you weren't so angry all the time…"  
  
Akane hadn't heard the last part, because she was only seeing red. "JISUSE NO BAKA!!!" With that, she slammed Jisuse into the ground, destroying the bathroom floor and tile altogether. With that done, she started to kick her until her leg was suddenly grabbed and she fell to the floor. She gasped as Jisuse crawled on top of her, trapping her hands. "LET- GO-OF-ME!!!!"  
  
Jisuse grimaced as Akane kneed her in the crotch. Even though she had no balls to hurt anymore, her newly found clitoris seemed to thrive on torture. "S-stop, Akane… That isn't a good idea…" Jisuse growled as Akane continued to struggle. "I said, STOP IT, GOD DAMN YOU!!!" Akane almost shrieked, but found her mouth covered by one of Jisuse's petite hands. "Now, listen to me… no, I'm not letting you go, not until you stop struggling." Akane's continued struggle was put to a halt as Jisuse hit her fuzui-ten.  
  
"Didn't I tell you to stop, Akane-chan?" Jisuse gazed into her eyes. "You must calm down. Please? For me? For Ranma?"  
  
"nnnn…"  
  
"I'll take that as a no…" Jisuse jumped back into the furo, changing into her uncursed form immediately. Jisuse-kun frowned, knowing that there was going to be some major trouble. "Okay… we'll do it your way." He smirked, moving faster than the eye can see, hitting the atsuuten that would remove the fuzui-ten. Jisuse jumped to the other side of the room, and waited for Akane to run out of the bathroom. Right on cue, she jumped to her feet, and ran out the door, screaming all the way.  
  
"Well, let's just hope this goes as planned."  
  
****  
  
Akane ran through the hall, her scream carrying up to the guest room. Ranma peeked his head out the door as Akane started to run into sight. **Kuso! What did you do now, Jesse?!**  
  
**Who cares!? Just get downstairs, kid!** the mental scream invaded his head.  
  
Ranma nodded and opened the door. He jumped to the end of the hall and to the top of the staircase. Smirking, Ranma vaulted down behind Akane, happy that she hadn't seen him yet. *Just the way he said it would be.*  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Akane's scream continued to grow louder as she made her way to the dining room area. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! I'll drown him in the bathtub!!!" She picked up the table, threatening to slam the nearest person to her into oblivion.  
  
Kasumi had walked into the dining area by now, and stared at the spectacle her sister was making of herself. "Akane, what is it?" She frowned as she noticed the table above her youngest sister's head. "What's the matter? What are you doing with that?" Could it have been a man? Akane never got this upset over nothing… well, maybe she did, but still…  
  
Akane turned around, still holding the table. "There's a pervert in the bathroom!!" she screamed as she held the table steady.  
  
"Well, gee, Akane!" Nabiki gazed at her sister, a cool demeanor crossing her visage. "Why didn't you just clobber him, then?"  
  
Akane glared at her sister, getting irritated for some strange reason. "Because I got scared! Is that alright!?" she spit back venomously.  
  
"Oh," Kasumi said, distracted by something. "I do hope Ranma's alright. I thought she was in there taking a bath right now."  
  
Akane stared at her sister, wondering what the hell she was talking about. *That was Jisuse in there, not Ranma…*  
  
Jisuse grinned slightly as he walked into the doorway, Akane's back to him. Ranma appeared right by his side. **So, how did you like my little show?**  
  
**It wasn't what I expected, Jesse.** Ranma frowned, hoping to catch his Brother off guard. **What did you do to her, anyway? Did you do somethin' naughty?**  
  
Jisuse's eyes went wide in disgust. **I am not like that pervert Happosai! You really think I'd do something like that to someone who was unwilling?!**  
  
**Well…**  
  
**I'll get you for that… meanwhile, let's just get this over with.**  
  
"Um, excuse me," Ranma interrupted.  
  
Kasumi was the first one to notice the two males standing in the doorway. "Who's that?"  
  
Nabiki turned her gaze towards the two newcomers. "Who are you two?"  
  
"I'm, uh," Ranma began, "Ranma Saotome. And this is my brother, Jisuse. Sorry about this."  
  
"Hiya, Akane-chan." Jisuse smiled warmly again, hoping to stay her fury.  
  
Kasumi looked at the two boys in confusion, while Nabiki was still a bit skeptical. Akane, on the other hand, she didn't take it so well. She stared at the two boys, dropping the table on her head. She didn't even wince as the table hit her skull.  
  
**She's just shocked, that's all.** Jisuse grinned as he thought of something. **You fell for her, didn't you? You sly dog… Heh heh heh…**  
  
**Jesse! Drop it, okay? We don't got the time for this!**  
  
****  
  
The clock ticked away, night already having come. Mr. Tendo looked towards the table.  
  
"I can explain everything," Tendo-san said. He pointed towards the man wearing the dirty white gi and matching head cover. "This is my dear old friend…"  
  
"Genma Saotome," said the fat male. He pointed towards the blue-eyed boy wearing the red silk shirt. "And this is my son…"  
  
"Ranma." He looked down at his lap, away from the girls' prying eyes. When he looked back up again, he was expecting Akane to glare at him, but her attention was turned elsewhere. **What the hell did you do to her?!**  
  
**Probably pissed her off, Brother.** Jisuse smiled at Akane. **It's just too bad that all of her anger will be towards me instead of you from now on.** He smiled at all three of the Tendo sisters. "And I am Jisuse Saotome." His eyes roamed over the three girls, hoping to make them blush. It wasn't working. Kasumi forgot how to blush, Nabiki was too in control of her emotions, and Akane was too angry at the time. **Damn it… these three are tougher than me and you put together.**  
  
"This gets more interesting by the minute," Nabiki stated.  
  
"Are you really them?" Kasumi looked. "The same girls who we saw before?"  
  
"We are," they said in unison.  
  
"It's all the old man's fault in the first place!!!" Jisuse shouted, fist cocked and rarin' to go.  
  
Genma gulped slightly, but began to speak. "It's such a long story," he started, "I don't know where to begin." He stood from his seated position "Well, then. Let's start with this," he said as he picked Ranma up by the lapels of his shirt. Unfortunately for Genma, Jisuse had planned ahead.  
  
"Hiryu Shoten HA!" he shouted. "Revised Horizintal Blast, HAAAAA!!!!!" He growled as he fired the Flying Dragon Ascension Wave at Genma, sending him out to the pond. "Stupid old man…"  
  
A giant panda climbed out of the pond, water dripping from its body. "RAGHH!"  
  
"Come on Ranma! Let's show him who's boss!" Jisuse jumped into the air, spring boarding off of the panda's face. He sucked his teeth and smirked as Genma-panda fell into the pond again. "Oops… didn't let you have a turn."  
  
Genma had sneaked off and changed back into his uncursed form. He grabbed both boys by the back of their shirts and threw them both into the koi pond.  
  
"AAAAHHHHH!!!" both boys screamed as they landed in the water. A "SHIMATTA!" was heard right before splashdown. A couple seconds later, two redheads, one with blue eyes, and the other with green, emerged from the icy water.  
  
Ranma-chan had an irritated look on her face. "Whad'd'ja do that for!?"  
  
Nabiki, Akane, and Kasumi stared out the open doorway. Nabiki spoke first. "Oh my."  
  
Kasumi blinked, the spoke. "Ranma and Jisuse are girls now."  
  
Jisuse-chan frowned, a dark glare in her emerald-lime eyes. They seemed to promise certain death for a certain fat oaf. "I'm going to kill you, Oyaji!" She jumped to the roof, a deep scowl on her face.  
  
Genma ignored the green-eyed girl and walked over to the edge of the pond. "I am so ashamed. I can not bear to see my son like this," he said as he clenched his fist. Ranma-chan sat in the pond, growling for a moment, thinking about what she was going to do to him. Tears began to stream down the old man's face. "Ranma Saotome, you break your father's heart!" Ranma- chan jumped behind him and kicked him in the back, causing him to lose his balance. Genma had almost gotten it back when Jisuse-chan jumped down from the roof in a modified missile dropkick. Genma flew over the pond, bounced off the perimeter wall, and landed right back into the murky waters of the koi pond. Jisuse-chan grinned; hoping that the old fuck would stay down this time.  
  
Genma-panda emerged from the water, screaming in pain.  
  
The Tendo Trio gasped and backed up in amazement. Looks of absolute shock covered their faces.  
  
"Who are you to talk!?" Ranma-chan screamed. "My Old Man's a panda!!" She followed this up with a punch to his immense gut.  
  
"You stupid fuck, this is your fault for dragging him there!!!" Jisuse jumped up to Genma-panda's head and kicked him in the eye, sending him flying into the perimeter wall again. "Stay down this time, you old shit!"  
  
"You sure do have quite the mouth, Young Lady," Ranma-chan mocked.  
  
"Urusai, Ranma-*chan*!!!"  
  
"Alright, already, jeez… don't blow an artery."  
  
The panda rushed both kids, fighting harder than ever before. He knew that he was no match for two Ranmas, even if one of them really wasn't Ranma. Just the fact that there were two identical, very well trained, martial artists fighting him had him shaking slightly. All three forms continued to trade blows, humans against panda.  
  
Mr. Tendo walked to the doorway. He looked out towards the spectacle that his old friend and his sons were making of themselves.  
  
Kasumi continued to stare out at the group as she spoke to her otoosan. "Father, you certainly have some unusual friends."  
  
They didn't used to be like this," he said. "It was training in China that did this to them. Something happened to them during a dangerous training exercise." A bead of sweat worked its way down his cheek. "Maybe we should give them a few moments to come back to themselves. "  
  
The three people continued to fight for quite some time.  
  
****  
  
The clock continued to tick. A little while later, after all three individuals had been changed back into their uncursed forms, Genma began to tell the tale.  
  
"Ah yes, it all started one fateful month ago…"  
  
****  
  
Ranma and I were voyaging across the ocean to China. We journeyed for many days, and many nights. It was in China's Mt. Quanjing region in the Baiankala range Quinghai province, that we finally found what we were looking for.  
  
****  
  
"Here sirs," the guide said, "we come to famous training ground of cursed springs, Jusenkyo!" He held up a sign stating what it was called.  
  
"Are you prepared, Ranma?" his father asked.  
  
Ranma put down his duffel and smirked. "Aw man, this place ain't near as bad as I thought it'd be."  
  
"Ooh, sirs! You are very strange ones, no?" the guide looked at the two, sizing them up. He knew they wouldn't listen, but he had to try anyway. "Ooh, dis place is-a very dangerous. Nobody use it now 'cause more dan one hundred spring here, and each one have own tragedy happen dare."  
  
"Ranma!" Genma shouted as he jumped into the air. "Follow me!" He landed on one foot atop one of the bamboo poles surrounding one of the springs.  
  
"Right behind ya!" Ranma exclaimed, following suit.  
  
"Ooh sirs! What are you doing!?" the guide yelled. "I have no finished my tragic story! You can' go dare!"  
  
"I won't go easy on you, Ranma!" Genma stated, a large smirk on his face.  
  
"Well," replied the younger Saotome, "that's just the way I like it!"  
  
With a grunt from each, they launched their bodies into the air, trying to knock the other into one of the pools. The first time, neither fell into one of the springs.  
  
"Please, sirs!" The guide shouted. "Very bad you fall in spring!"  
  
Unfortunately for Genma, he was the first to discover the horrible secret of the springs. Ranma kicked him into a spring a little ways off, grinning the entire time. A resounding splash was all that Ranma could see.  
  
"Hey Pop!" He yelled, goading the old man. "What's up? Are we done already?"  
  
Ranma stared at the pool as something jumped out of the water. The cold liquid shielded the being's body from view for a few seconds. When the water subsided, what Ranma saw paralyzed him. Instead of his father, a giant panda had jumped out of the spring and was balancing on the bamboo pole in front of him.  
  
"AHH! Wha-what the hell is that?!" the youth screamed.  
  
The guide pulled out a sigh with the name of the spring embroidered upon its surface. "That one Shonmaoniichuan! Spring of Drowned Panda!" the guide said quickly. "Very tragic story of panda who drown 2000 year ago. De legend say that whoever fall in spring take body of panda!"  
  
"Hey, buddy!" Ranma exclaimed. "You never said anything about that to us!" If Ranma had been paying attention to the panda, he would have noticed that it was moving rather quickly. The panda jumped into the air and punched Ranma across the training ground, and into one of the far off springs.  
  
"Oh, too bad. You fall in Nyanniichuan, Spring of Drowned Girl!" the guide explained. He held up another sign with the name of the spring on it. "There very tragic legend of girl who drown in spring 1500 year ago," the guide continued. "Now whoever fall in de spring, take de body of a young girl, huh huh."  
  
Ranma stared down at his gi, a look of fear in his eyes. Red hair was in his eyes. **Red hair? My hair is black, not red!** He noticed a couple of lumps around his pectoral area. **Couldn't be!** He ripped open his top and screamed when he caught sight of the breasts now adorning her chest.  
  
"You see!" the guide exclaimed. "Now, you young girl."  
  
****  
  
Ranma growled as he remembered everything. The clock ticked on.  
  
"The Legendary Ground of Accursed Springs. Its true horror has been shrouded in mystery until now" Tendo-san stated.  
  
"What do you mean true horror!" Ranma exclaimed.  
  
"Hold it, Ranma," Jisuse said, "that'll only get you thrown in the pond." Jisuse punched Genma in the face as he scowled at the fat oaf. "That's not the end of our little journey, now is it, Ranma-kun?" Jisuse took the cup of tea that Kasumi offered him. "Arigato, Kasumi-san. Now… the beginning of my birth into this existence…"  
  
****  
  
Ranma-chan stared at the new chest she had gotten with her curse. "Um, is there any way to cure this?" she asked the guide. Luckily they hadn't left the Grounds.  
  
"Dere is a way to change you back to boy, but it not permanent," he said. "Must use hot water to turn into boy again, but cold water make curse come back. You could always try to finding Nanniichuan, Spring of Drowned Boy, but I not see it in many years."  
  
Genma scowled as something nagged at him. * What about those pools over there? * He pointed a sign towards an area that was fenced off from the rest of Jusenkyo.  
  
"Dat might work, but not know for sure…" the guide scratched his chin.  
  
The panda hoisted the boy turned girl up into the air and pulled out a sign. * With your luck, you'll probably land in the right one!* Genma- panda threw Ranma-chan into the air and over the fence.  
  
"Oooh! Sir! Why you do dat! Those spring Forbidden to all! I remember! That why it fenced off from rest of Jusenkyo!" The guide continued to rant as Genma-panda dashed in the direction of his son.  
  
A loud splash signaled that he had landed in one of the springs.  
  
****  
  
Jesse Lawrence-Hayden, age 17, sat at his computer, a scowl upon his visage.  
  
"You slow piece of shit!" he screamed. The appliance was taking a very long time to download some Nickelback songs. He growled as the cheap 56k modem began to stall on him. "BAKA! GOD DAMN IT!"  
  
Jesse smacked the computer as it disconnected. "Man… this thing is so slow… what in the fucking hell is wrong with this thing?!" The computer shut itself down automatically.  
  
"What the hell is this!?" Jesse sneered as his brother Jason Lawrence- Stone, age 15, walked into the room.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing, Jay… I'm just really tired of this slow computer. This AMD- K6®-2/366 processor is so fucking outdated… only 10 gigs too… I really hate this thing," he sighed as he started the computer up again. "Damn it… my 'No Control' series… now I gotta rewrite it…" Jesse stared at the screen. "Oh well. You goin' to Twelfth Dragons tonight?"  
  
"Yeah," Jason glanced at the screen. "Kelly and Carlos think they can beat me at Magic. Ha!"  
  
"Not many can, Jason. You kicked my ass many times when we played," Jesse said as the computer rebooted.  
  
Jason's ride pulled up in front of the house. "Shit! Gotta go, dickless. See ya later!" He ran out the door, tumbling over the Great Dane sitting in the middle of the floor. Lyla yelped and ran into Jesse's room, as usual.  
  
"Great job, blockhead!" Jesse screamed after him. His mother was at the doctor's office, having the large burn on her leg examined. The old woman had burned herself one Christmas and it hadn't healed properly. Jesse growled as a very obese Rott stumbled into the living room. "Eito, go sit down…" The large male dog walked over to the computer area. "Oh alright…" Jesse played with the dog for a few minutes as the computer booted. "There! Now go sit down, okay? As soon as I finish this Part, then I'll play with you and Wizard." Wizard, a feminine-looking male German shepherd, looked up at the sound of his name.  
  
"Woof! Woof woof!"  
  
"Down!" Wizard jumped on top of Jesse, knocking him to the floor. The under grown 1-2 year old puppy licked Jesse's face until it looked like a prune. "Wizard, get off!"  
  
The computer was making a strange sound. Jesse got up, recognizing it at once. "Ranma ½? What in the hell?!" The chirps and beeps his computer was giving off sounded like the first season's opening theme of Ranma ½. The monitor pulsed once, then twice, then a third time. A beam of white light rushed over Jesse, rendering him unconscious.  
  
****  
  
Ranma-chan cursed at herself as she flew through the air. She could only think of one thing. **I'm going to kill you, OYAJI!!!!**  
  
Ranma-chan gasped as she landed in one of the springs. An excruciating feeling came over her. She felt like her insides were tearing themselves away from the rest of her body. She screamed as something invaded her mind, like a separate consciousness. It kept thinking, **WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Ranma?! Ranma Saotome?** The other mind screamed as well. Ranma-chan had closed her eyes. When she opened them she screamed in terror. Her body was merged with another by the left hand, like an embryo splitting into identical twins. Ranma-chan continued to scream as the other body finally split from hers, a perfect copy.  
  
Jesse screamed as something invaded his consciousness. **WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Ranma?! Ranma Saotome?** No way, he thought to himself. This can't be happening. Jesse felt something strange happening to his body. "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! ITE!!" The pain of his entire body splitting made his black out for a minute.  
  
He floated in the darkness until a voice in his mind said something. **A perfect copy.** Jesse didn't open his eyes, not quite believing what was happening.  
  
**No way in hell… Ranma Saotome…** Another voice, far off, was wondering why his son didn't come up out of the water. **Genma Saotome… oh how I'd love to kill that fat fuck…** Jesse opened his eyes and looked around. **OH SHIT! I'M A FEMALE!** Jesse-chan growled under the water. She looked over at Ranma-chan and pointed towards the surface.  
  
Ranma-chan gasped. **So it's not a perfect copy after all.** The eyes of the other girl were lime-emerald green. She stared at the other redhead and frowned. She was pointing towards the surface of the pond. Ranma-chan had forgotten what it was like to breathe for the second time today, so it hadn't been bothering her until the other girl reminded her. They swam for the surface.  
  
The guide looked down into the murky depths and frowned when he saw two dark shadows in the water. "Oh fuck. You fall in Chuanshontsuniichaun, Forbidden Spring of Drowned Twin. Legend say dat over 4000 year ago, a pair of twin brothers drown in spring after very hard battle. Dey were said to have power beyond imagination." He sighed as two girls bobbed in the water. "Now whoever fall in spring have Twin and powers of originals. Dere is no cure for Forbidden power. But, if person fall in wit regular Jusenkyo curse, Jusenkyo curse may be able to be removed. But magic now vedy vedy unstable, so no telling what happen if you use Nanniichuan." The guide handed both girls a towel. "One more thing. If person have Jusenkyo curse before falling into Chuanshontsuniichaun, then Twin have curse as well."  
  
"GENMA!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?!?!?" The green-eyed girl scowled and prepared to use a move she had seen Ranma do many times. She cupped her hands at her right side and called forth her ki.  
  
Ranma gaped at her Twin. She had never seen that type of attack. The glowing ball of energy pulsed in the other redhead's hands.  
  
"MOKO TAKABI…." The green-eyed one screamed as she pulled the ball more tightly against her body. "Speak, Saotome, before I blast your head off!!!!"  
  
All three stopped moving as they stared at the diminutive powerhouse. She was speaking in a language that seemed vaguely familiar to them, but none of them knew what the hell she was saying. Genma-panda frowned. He figured out what language the girl was speaking.  
  
Genma held up a sign written in kanji. * Ranma, she's speaking English! *  
  
Ranma-chan punched the fat panda in the nose. "Urusai Oyaji!" **Who are you!?**  
  
Jesse-chan smiled slightly. **Heh heh heh… I'm Jesse Lawrence-Hayden… Forbidden spring, right?**  
  
Ranma-chan nodded her head.  
  
**I remember reading a fanfic that had Forbidden springs in it that induced telepathy in its victims, you being one of them. It was like a fucked up version of the Nyanniichuan. Had some very, unusual sexual effects on its victims.** Jesse-chan scowled. **Last thing I remember was booting up my computer, and then I was in the pool.**  
  
Ranma-chan frowned. **You're an American, aren't you!**  
  
**Yep, a good ol' gaijin… technically I'm Japanese, the same as you, but… since my original body is either gone or in some kinda limbo…heh heh heh… and a hentai to boot… just a word of warning.** Jesse-chan grinned slightly. **Call me Jisuse, Ranma Saotome. Since I am your Twin, Saotome's a good name for me. Jisuse Saotome, alias to Jesse Lawrence-Hayden.**  
  
"What a weirdo," Ranma-chan said in her native tongue.  
  
Jisuse scowled and tried to speak in Nihongo. "I may be gaijin, but I not baka. Saotome baka." **God damn it! My Japanese sounds like shit, don't it?**  
  
Ranma-chan chuckled. "Yes, it does, Jisuse-chan"  
  
Jisuse-chan narrowed her eyes in concentration. "What the fuck… now I can't communicate without these stupid powers…" she said in English. Ranma-chan frowned as the green-eyed girl spoke.  
  
"What the hell are you saying, Otenba?"  
  
"Tomboy?" **Tomboy, huh? Ha ha ha ha! Wait till you see Akane!** Jisuse- chan laughed like a maniac as Ranma-chan scratched her head.  
  
**What are you talking about? Who's Akane?** Ranma-chan thought.  
  
**Hold up… I got an idea!** Jisuse-chan grinned as the solution to the problem popped into her head. **Since we are telepathic, I can learn Nihongo and you can learn English! This way, we'll be fluent in both.** Jisuse-chan grabbed Ranma-chan's head and pulled her close. **I have no idea how to do this, but here goes!**  
  
****  
  
Jisuse glanced around, looking for the appropriate files. "It's like a giant computer! This oughta be fun…" He scanned every memory that Ranma had ever had except for the Neko-ken training and downloaded it to his own brain. "Creepy… I'd have killed that fat oaf by now…" He scrolled down the techniques in Ranma's memory, saving them for later viewing. "This'll come in handy. Ooh! Here's that little orgasmic pressure point!" Jisuse put that little tidbit in an encoded file that would be used for special occasions. "Ranma, can you hear me?"  
  
"Donata? Jisuse?" a voice boomed.  
  
"Hang on… here goes nothing…" Jisuse looked around quickly, checking for any stray data on martial arts, and, upon finding nothing left that he hadn't already downloaded except for the Neko-ken training, Jisuse did a Search. He looked up and down the list for the language center of Ranma's brain. He found what he was looking for, and grinned. "Perfect… this might work…" Jisuse concentrated, hoping that learning such a complex language in a matters of seconds wouldn't overload his immense intellect. (Sue me; I'm not very modest about my intelligence!)  
  
"Hope you appreciate this, bakabakashi…"  
  
"Nanjasorya!?"  
  
"Nothing!" Jisuse scowled. "What was it again? Um… kotonashi!"  
  
Jisuse growled as he hooked his brain into Ranma's language center. "Three, two, one, zero!" Jisuse copied and pasted every word, phrase, and letter that Ranma knew about his native tongue. He also took everything that Ranma knew about kanji, hiragana and katakana and refined it to perfection for his new friend. As soon as the information was integrated into Jisuse's mind, he began to talk in Japanese. "Ranma! It worked! HAHAHAHA!!! I'm a GENIUS!!!"  
  
"CUT THAT OUT! MY MIND'S GOING TO EXPLODE!" Ranma screamed.  
  
"Okay, here comes everything that I have learned in my entire life. HAAA!"  
  
Everything that Jisuse had learned was shot right into Ranma's brain. The Honors classes for Geometry, Algebra, Algebra II, Chemistry, Physical Science, Earth science, American and World History, American Government, Economics, Art 2-D, English I, II, and III, and the Ceramics and Technology classes he had taken throughout high school were uploaded right into Ranma's brain. There was a special section that Jisuse didn't send, something that he wanted to tell Ranma instead of giving away all of the surprises. Jisuse tapped into his own language center and copied everything that was there. He pasted it all into Ranma's mind. Now everything was set…  
  
****  
  
Genma-panda and the Jusenkyo Guide stared in amazement at Ranma-chan and Jisuse-chan. Genma-panda tapped the closest girl to him on the shoulder, but was thrown against the fence surrounding the area. Twin silver aura surrounded the redheads, pulsing with a blinding white light ever so often. Multiple pulses of energy were sent in one direction, and then another set of pulses were sent in the other through a thin column of silver energy. Soon after that, both auras died down, and both girls collapsed to their knees. They were breathing quickly, as if they had exhausted their energy. The Guide stared at the teenagers, his face showing utter shock.  
  
Both girls opened their eyes at the same time and muttered in their own languages, "Whoa… what a rush…"  
  
Jisuse-chan grinned slightly. "It worked, Ranma… I didn't think it would work…" she said in Japanese. She struggled to her feet, only to fall on her ass.  
  
Ranma-chan frowned. "Seems you were right, Jesse…" she said in perfect English. She struggled to her feet, only to fall on her ass as well.  
  
Jisuse-chan got up again, except this time she didn't fall. She walked over to Ranma-chan and held out a hand. "Nice ta meetcha, Ranma. I'm Jisuse, your Brother," she said in Japanese. Her grasp of the language was a good as Ranma's, meaning that she had the exact same accent and tone of voice that Ranma himself had when talking. Ranma-chan, on the other hand, had the exact same grasp of English that Jisuse had. She knew how to talk perfectly in English, but used slang more often than not.  
  
Ranma-chan smirked as she sized up her Twin. She switched to Japanese. "You copied everything, didn't you? All my moves?"  
  
Jisuse-chan grinned. "Yep, everything except the Neko-ken," she replied in Nihongo. "I happen to like cats, unlike you. Plus, I don't like the idea of turning into one whenever I'm around one." Jisuse-chan turned around and looked at the panda-sized hole in the fence surrounding the Forbidden springs. "I'm gonna kill your old man for that, Ranma. Either that, or put him in a pit filled with big cats, instead of little house cats."  
  
Something in the green-eyed girl's tone scared Ranma-chan. She had never considered doing that to her father. Not once in her life did he even think of paying that fat bastard back for everything. But it wasn't an appealing idea to her. "Leave Pops alone, Jisuse."  
  
"Fine," came the reply. "But I'm going to get some answers from him right now, so look away if you don't want to watch."  
  
Genma-panda gulped as he looked back into the hole. That strange girl was in that stance again. She had a smirk on her face as she stared at the hole in the fence.  
  
"What should I use?" Jisuse-chan said in English. "The Kamehameha, Masenko, or Moko Takabisha? That Shi Shi Hokodan will be pretty hard to pull off right now, since I don't have that chemical imbalance anymore… at least I hope not…" She stared at the ground, in the stance that she was in when she had begun to form the Moko Takabisha. "Well, let's go with what works! Mo…ko…ta…ka…bi…SHA!! Revised multiple blast! HAAAA!!!!" A barrage of golden ki spheres went flying at the boundary wall, tearing it to pieces. Genma-panda went flying through the air and into the hut that the Guide lived in. It caved in on top of Genma-panda, covering him with debris. He got up, shaking debris from his clothing. He didn't fight back though. That ki attack had been about as powerful as the Master's…  
  
****  
  
Jisuse-chan grinned at her handiwork. Genma-panda had been thrashed pretty badly, without getting in one hit too. She fell to a knee as she smirked. "That'll teach… you… you old fuck…" She looked up at Ranma-chan who had run over to her when she was finished with her attack. "Heh… didn't know it would be that strong yet…" She smiled and looked down. "Question him, Ranma… make him tell you… about the fiancés… and about… you mother… I won't be able to for a while… good night…" Jisuse dozed off.  
  
"Well… that was unexpected…"  
  
****  
  
"And I guess I can leave ya hangin right there…" Jisuse-kun said. "Dumb fat panda… all because he was afraid of what Nodoka would think! You stupid bastard! This is your fault!" He growled and picked Genma up by the gi's collar. "I should have dropped you in the Hietoniichuan! What were you thinking? And all of those engagements you made, you sick, twisted son of a bitch!" Jisuse cocked his fist and punched Genma into the koi pond again. "GOD DAMN IT, YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!" He pulled his fist back and put his hand at his side. "Baka yarou…"  
  
Ranma smirked. "Don't worry, he always gets this way," he said as he walked over to Jisuse. **Brother, remember where we are… calm down.**  
  
**I hate this… That little imbalance I told you about still exists, no matter what body I'm in… This Bi-Polar syndrome is not what I'd call healthy by any means.** Jisuse turned towards the three girls and bowed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."  
  
Akane's eye began to twitch slightly. *This guy is insane!* "What's this about fiancés?"  
  
Jisuse grinned. "You'll find out. Pretty soon, a whole buncha girls are gonna come here after Ranma here because that stupid, fat, overgrown stooge excepted their engagements." He scowled suddenly. "Oh crap… now he has two sons… that's just great…"  
  
As if on cue, the panda ran into the room, grabbed a waiting kettle, and poured over his head. Genma glared Jisuse. " That's right boy… since you are Ranma's twin, you are my son as well. And as for before Jisuse," he said as he lifted Jisuse up by the collar, "You sound like a girl!" With that he threw Jisuse into the koi pond.  
  
A second later, an emerald-lime eyed redhead popped out of the freezing water. "Oyaji, you just fucked up…" Jisuse-chan looked down at the water as she used the Soul of Ice technique. "You remember that Hiryu Shoten Ha I showed you, right Ranma? Well, here's another variation." She lifted her right arm, and put it in the water up to her elbow. "Heh heh heh… here it comes!" She ripped her hands from the water and screamed, "SUISEIRYU SHOTEN HA!!! REVISED HORIZONTAL BLAST! HAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" A large column of water formed above Jisuse-chan. The blunt of it shot into the air, and then turned back towards the ground. As the water began to reach Jisuse-chan's eye level, she pulled her arm close to her side, and then punched forward in an open palm strike, using her ki to cause a rip current in the air. Everyone in the house felt the rush of air from Jisuse-chan's punch, and dived for cover as the giant column of water came flying into the house. Ranma grinned when he saw Jisuse-chan pull her arm back just as quickly, and felt the rise in ki from the girl. The water stopped short of everyone but Ranma and Genma, causing the change. All the water came flying back at Jisuse-chan.  
  
"SHADOW DOME SHIELD!" she screamed as the water came ever closer. The water struck the ki shield, falling back into the pond.  
  
Genma-panda grabbed the kettle and dumped some of the contents on himself and onto Ranma-chan.  
  
"Old man, this is all your fault!" Ranma shouted. "What's the big idea takin' me to a place like that anyway, huh?"  
  
"Ranma, you sound like a girl too!" Genma said as he threw his son in with Jisuse-chan.  
  
The resulting splash made Jisuse-chan even angrier. She brought her arms down to her right hip and turned her body 90 degrees to the right. "Ka…"  
  
"Were you not prepared to lay down your life for the sake of the Arts!?" Genma shouted.  
  
Ranma-chan glanced over at Jisuse-chan and gasped as she felt the other girl's ki levels increase drastically.  
  
"Me…" Jisuse-chan whispered. **I'm gonna hit him with something that could hurt a tank. We don't have the power to do things like destroy the Earth, but this'll really hurt. Distract him for a minute, then get his ass out here near the koi pond.**  
  
**Right.** Ranma-chan grabbed a bucket and glared at her father. "My life, yes!" she shouted. "My manhood is another story!" She looked up at the giant panda. " You just had to go find that training ground, even though you didn't speak a word of Chinese!" She grabbed the panda and threw him into the yard.  
  
"Ha…" **Almost there…**  
  
Genma-panda growled and began to blaze with a flurry of attacks, all of them missing the more agile Ranma-chan.  
  
"Me…" **NOW!**  
  
Ranma-chan grabbed the panda's punch and threw him in front of the green-eyed redhead.  
  
"HA!!!" she screamed as she fired a small blue beam at Genma. It tagged him square in the chest, throwing him against the side of the house. He screamed as he hit the wall, and screamed again as Jisuse-chan proceeded to outline his body in the wall with her Kamehameha beam. She cut off the beam and pulled both of her hands to the sides of her body. She pushed them forward with near-Amaguriken speed, sending a rush of air towards Genma- panda. It hit him full force, knocking him through the wall.  
  
Genma-panda got up and scowled as Ranma-chan rushed him. She grabbed his arms and they began to try and push each other away from the other.  
  
Mr. Tendo had seen enough of it. He grabbed the second kettle that Kasumi had ready and looked at his old friend. "How I suffer for you. Here," he said as he poured it over Genma-panda's head. The fat panda squirmed in pain as the incredibly hot water flowed down his body. "When doused with hot water, you return to human form."  
  
Genma gasped as he started to bitch. "It needn't be quite that hot, thank you," he said as the steam rolled off of him.  
  
"When doused with cold water, you become a girl," Soun exclaimed as he tried to pour some of the hot water over Ranma-chan's head. He missed when Ranma-chan screamed and dodged. Soun turned his attention to Jisuse- chan, who was walking in the door. "But hot water turns you both back into boys," he said as he tried to pour the boiling water over Jisuse's head.  
  
Jisuse-chan dodged as well and used the Hiryu Korindan to freeze the water.  
  
"Hot water, not boiling!" both girls shouted at the same time.  
  
Mr. Tendo actually had the audacity to chuckle. " Well now, your problem isn't so terrible after all," he said as he wrapped his arm around Ranma-chan's shoulder. "Look! My oldest daughter, Kasumi, she's 19, my middle daughter, Nabiki, she's 17, and my youngest daughter, Akane, she's 16!" He grinned as he thought of wedding bells. Pick any one you want! She'll be your new fiancé!"  
  
Jisuse-chan saw the perfect opportunity. "Ranma wants Akane! Trust me, Mr. Tendo. I know my Brother very well," Jisuse-chan smirked as her suggestion worked like a charm. **I know you want Akane, Ranma. I am telepathic, you know…**  
  
**Jesse, what the hell have you gotten me into?** Ranma-chan fidgeted as she thought about Akane. **She is cute…when she smiles…**  
  
"So quit acting like a dork and accept it!" Jisuse-chan stated in English.  
  
Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane gasped as they heard Jisuse-chan speak.  
  
"Man… I don't know, Jesse… I mean, she can't cook, sew, wash, or anything else that women do. Why am I getting into this again?" Ranma said in English as well.  
  
All three girls gasped again as they heard Ranma-chan speak.  
  
"Fluent… He's fluent in English…" Nabiki grinned slightly. She changed to English. "Ranma, Jesse, why are you speaking in this language? Why won't you tell them what's going on?"  
  
"Shit… I forgot you could do that…" Jisuse-chan scowled. "Can Kasumi understand English too?"  
  
"Hai, Jisuse" Kasumi smirked. "En kan."  
  
"Kuso…"  
  
"Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later," Ranma said.  
  
"Alright, let's switch back to Nihongo," Jisuse-chan said in Japanese. "Akane, Ranma will be your fiancé for now. If it is decided that you are unfit for the duty, or if you really don't like each other by the end of my time here, you will no longer be engaged, and Ranma is free to marry whomever he damn well pleases." Jisuse-chan grinned at Akane. "You never know. Despite your faults, you are very cute, and also a loving person. I can see that. I also see that you can be a total bitch at times," she said as she dodged the table aimed right for her skull. "Ha! You missed! Built like a brick, and pretty damn stupid, too!" Jisuse-chan smirked as the table was brought down on her head. It split in half. The redhead winced slightly in pain. "Ow… That hurt, bonehead! Can't you control your temper just once!?"  
  
"You deserved that, you pervert!" Akane screamed as she held the broken table in her hands.  
  
"Yep, I'm a perv, but you walked in on me, Akane," Jisuse-chan insisted. "Did you a good, long look at me?"  
  
"No, you hentai!" Akane screamed. "It's different when a girl looks at a boy! Pervert! Peeping Tom!"  
  
"Look who's talking!" Jisuse-chan countered. "I think you wanted to see my female body!" Jisuse-chan turned away from Akane and frowned. "What is it with this body and all of these lesbians?" she muttered just loud enough to be heard by Ranma-chan and Akane. A smirk crawled its way onto her face as she turned around. "Besides! My body is always gonna be better than yours! Look at me! I'm gorgeous! A little short, but this body is killer compared to that gorilla-like frame you carry," Jisuse-chan sneered as she stared into Akane's eyes. "Right, Ranma?"  
  
Ranma-chan couldn't keep the laughter out of her voice as she laughed and confirmed everything that Jisuse-chan stated. She stopped laughing when Akane's aura flared out even more. "Jisuse… what have you done…"  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha… you'll see, brother… just fulfilling the storyline's time sequence…" Jisuse-chan turned away from Akane and began to laugh. **Join me, Ranma! This is supposed to be funny!**  
  
**NO WAY! I AIN'T GOIN' OUT LIKE THAT!**  
  
Jisuse-chan visualized the funniest thing she knew of and sent it to Ranma-chan. The blue-eyed redhead fell to her knees with laughter.  
  
Akane glared at both of the hydrothermal transsexuals, cocking the table pieces into position. As Ranma-chan was getting up, Akane swung the pieces of the table, connecting with both of their heads. Jisuse-chan blocked at the last minute, so the impact wasn't so bad, but Ranma-chan hadn't seen it coming. She fell to the ground in a heap, a large lump on the back of her cranium.  
  
Jisuse-chan swaggered for a bit, trying to find her surroundings. "T- That h-hurt…" she said as she fell to the ground right next to Ranma-chan and into the realm of dreamless dreams.  
  
****  
  
Jisuse-chan groaned as a light burned the retina of her optical nerves. She rubbed the back of her head as she looked around, grinned slightly. "Oh… what hit me…"  
  
Kasumi smiled as she looked at the green-eyed girl. "Look, she's awake."  
  
Jisuse-chan held up a hand to silence her. "Don't tell me that she's a sweet girl… I know she is, but I had to do that." She looked to her side and smiled as she saw that they hadn't separated Ranma-chan and herself. "You might want to tell that to him when he gets up," Jisuse-chan said. She took the wet cloth off of the back of her head and handed it to Kasumi. "Arigato, Kasumi-san. How's Ranma?"  
  
"She'll live, hopefully," Kasumi said. "Not too sure about you, though… She told us everything you did today, Jisuse."  
  
"Tee-hee! Don't kill me…" Jisuse-chan whispered. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but she could have destroyed me… Akane has a lot of experience compared to me."  
  
Nabiki scowled at the green-eyed redhead. "What are you, Jisuse?"  
  
"You want my life story? It'll cost ya 1000 yen," Jisuse-chan held her palm out. Nabiki scowled once more. "Come on, Nabiki… I can see you want this info. It's only a thousand yen… How about it? You want to know, don't you?"  
  
"What the hell? You don't even know if I have 1000 yen on me!" Nabiki smirked as she stared down the diminutive redhead.  
  
"Nabiki Tendo… I know a lot about this entire family, like, for instance, Akane's fascination with ugly little animals," Jisuse-chan smirked as Nabiki backed down slowly.  
  
She glared at Jisuse-chan as she thought of the girl's offer. She knew she wouldn't get any info on this guy because he didn't exist. Jisuse Saotome was just an alias for… *Bingo!* She got that treacherous glint in her eye as she visualized how this could turn out.  
  
Jisuse-chan frowned. She knew what that glint in her eyes meant. "Kasumi, could you please wait outside for a minute?"  
  
"What for, Jisuse?" Kasumi asked politely. She still didn't trust this person, something about her just felt wrong to Kasumi.  
  
"I just wanna talk to Nabiki for a sec, okay, Kasumi-san?" Jisuse- chan smiled brightly. "It'll only take a minute."  
  
Kasumi couldn't object to such a polite request. She stood up from her seated position as she gathered the washcloths. *Need to get some more water anyway…* "Nabiki, don't cause trouble."  
  
Nabiki gasped as she stared as the door her sister had left by. "Me? What about him?"  
  
Jisuse-chan grinned as she touched a pressure point on Ranma-chan's neck. "He shouldn't be up for a while. Nabiki, I know what you're thinking…" Jisuse-chan disappeared from Nabiki's sight as she began to change her grin to a smirk. She reappeared right next to the brown-haired female and wrapped her arms tightly around Nabiki. "So… Nabiki…" Jisuse- chan whispered. "Why do you persist in this vain attempt to try and figure me out on your own?" She locked her arms so that Nabiki couldn't move. "What do you think about my previous offer? It certainly would cost a lot less than to go find it in the US… besides; I don't think that my info is very accurate during this point in time, Nabiki-chan."  
  
Nabiki frowned as Jisuse-chan slid closer to her. "That's not going to work, Jisuse…"  
  
Jisuse-chan smirked as she moved her face ever closer to Nabiki's ears. "I know you too well, Nabiki-chan… and I know what you're going to do. I'd hate to disappoint you, but that little trick won't work," she said as she pressed three points on Nabiki's lower back. " Do you want to know or not, Nabiki?"  
  
Nabiki squirmed as Jisuse-chan lifted one of her hands and placed three fingers above her left breast. She frowned again as Jisuse-chan spoke.  
  
"Nabiki, answer me, please."  
  
Nabiki struggled to get away for a minute, but knew it would be impossible. She hadn't trained for a very long time, being caught up in money almost her entire life. So, she cooled her emotions as she stared down at Ranma-chan's head. "Okay, Jisuse, you win," she said as she handed over ten ¥100 bills. "Now, who are you?"  
  
"Hang on, Nabiki," Jisuse-chan said as she blew in the middle Tendo's ear.  
  
Nabiki collapsed to the floor as familiar feelings rushed over her body. Her body tingled with pleasure, her nerves on fire. She moaned silently as she looked back up to see that Jisuse had gone to the door. Her breathing was labored as she got back to a sitting position. "Wha… How did you-?"  
  
Jisuse-chan smirked and put her fingers to her lips. "It's a secret," she said as she turned back to the door. She put her head outside the door, and said something that Nabiki couldn't hear. Then she shouted, "Kasumi! Come back up, please!"  
  
Nabiki facefaulted as she stared at the green-eyed manipulator.  
  
Jisuse-chan grinned quickly as she walked back into the room. "Nabiki, don't look at me like that."  
  
Nabiki glared at Jisuse-chan as the redhead sat down next to Ranma-chan and herself. "What is this!? I gotta pay while she gets info for free?" she screamed as she continued to glare at Jisuse-chan.  
  
"Yep, that's the way it is, Nabiki-chan!" Jisuse-chan's sugar sweet smile was enough to cause cavities in the sourest of demeanors. "If you want it back so badly… you can consider this rent for the month… that fat fuck ain't gonna pay shit to help you. And of course, I do need some spending money…" Jisuse-chan's smile changed to a villainous smirk as she pressed a pressure point on the back of Ranma-chan's head.  
  
Kasumi walked in, a smile on her sweet face. "So, Jisuse, what were you going to say?" She held a bucket of water in her hands and a couple of wash towels over her shoulder. Her undefeatable smile still adorned her face.  
  
Oh, nothin' much… Just wanted to tell you about me, stuff like that…" Jisuse-chan smiled politely as she looked at Kasumi. The oldest Tendo sat down beside her and continued to tend to the bump on Ranma-chan's head.  
  
Nabiki scowled as she glared at the conscious redhead. *Why me?* "Okay, hentai, spit it out."  
  
"I'll be glad to, Nabiki-chan. Just as soon as I get another 1000 yen from you," she said as she held out her hand in that annoying 'gimme gimme' gesture.  
  
A strange twitch formed in the mercenary's eyes as her glare renewed itself. But, just the same, she handed over the money.  
  
"You can get me back later, Nabiki," Jisuse-chan smiled once again, taking the money and making it disappear into sub-space. Kasumi and Nabiki gasped as they watched Jisuse-chan perform one of Akane's trademarks. Their mouths hung open like goldfish as they gaped in amazement. "What are you looking at!?" Jisuse-chan exclaimed.  
  
Kasumi was about to ask how in the world that Jisuse could do that when Nabiki clamped her hand over her sister's mouth. She didn't want to shell out any more cash for information.  
  
"Okay… now… here we go…"  
  
****  
  
"I was born November 2, 1984," she began, "under the name of Jesse Lawrence-Hayden. My parents didn't want to marry, you see. The reason isn't really important right now." Her eyes darkened as she remembered something her mother had told her about her father. They cleared quickly enough, but not before Nabiki and Kasumi had seen the change in her green eyes. "Well, I was normal, at least by birth weight and length. My father's side was of a Germanic ancestry, while I have no idea where my mother's side of the family came from. She was adopted. You could find this stuff out easily enough… but why waste the effort? Oh well, on to recent stuff, as in before I got dragged into this. I had light brown eyes and dark brown hair, was 17 years of age, weighed 350+ and was 6'1". I was on the football team as a linebacker, and I was incredibly intelligent. I have an IQ of at least 167! They say the Genius level starts at 140. I had a lot of Honors classes, and I was also artistically talented. But, because of my 'problems' in junior high, I was put into something called the FOCUS program. My Bi-polar Disorder, coupled with ADHD, crippled my common sense and my social skills… I'm a lot like Ranma, in a way, not the same route, but it ended up the same way… poor social abilities, constant foot-in-mouth syndrome, things like that. I used to get into a lot of fights in junior high, over my immense size and anger. I once grabbed this poor bastard by the throat and lifted him off of the ground. All I could see was red that day… And this was before I had learned anything from Ranma's memories! My hobbies were computers, drawing and sketching, fighting in chatrooms, and writing up Fanfiction, stories based on copyrighted material that are not produced for monetary worth and without the consent of the original creator of said material. There's a big website that should have something on it. My favorite hobby was Anime, all sorts of stuff, from the most grotesque to the funniest series… Ranma½, Macross, DragonballZ, etc. Well, That's about everything I can think of right now… Any questions?"  
  
****  
  
Nabiki frowned as she stared at the green-eyed boy-turned-girl next to her. "How in the hell could you have been 17 if you were born 5 or so years ago!?"  
  
"Did I forget to mention that it was 2002 when I was brought here?" Jisuse-chan smiled nervously, twirling her pigtail. "I'm never gonna get used to this…"  
  
Kasumi's smile had disappeared once again as she stared Jisuse-chan in amazement. She continued to put water-soaked rags on the back of Ranma- chan's head as she asked the green-eyed redhead a question. "What is Ranma½? It couldn't be what I think it is…"  
  
"Yes… Kasumi-san… Ranma½ is a story about fiancés, Amazons, and romance… it's about a pigtailed martial artist who comes to Nerima, Japan because his fat oaf of a father decided to get him engaged to a bunch of, albeit cute, extremely dangerous girls who will stop at nothing to have him… But I fear the worst is yet to come… you see… I'm a variable in the timeline of your story… and I can destroy it with one screw-up… You're a figment of someone's imagination… that's why you asked, isn't it? Well, to me, you are very real. Just because you're a figment of someone's imagination in another world doesn't mean that you don't exist in this one," Jisuse-chan grabbed Kasumi's hand. "You don't have to be scared of oblivion. With two Ranmas, you can't fail! No one defeats The Saotome Brothers! And that's a fact," she said as she poked Kasumi nose lightly with her finger.  
  
"Well, I'm outta here, okay? Need a bath to get out the kinks…" Jisuse-chan stood up, her knees popping loudly as she straightened up. "See ya later…"  
  
Kasumi's smile had died on her lips. She was scared, more scared than she had ever been in her entire life. She knew something was wrong, the moment she had seen Jisuse's male form, she just knew.  
  
Nabiki's glare was replaced with a look of utter shock. One, at the way Jisuse-chan was acting so casual about how she could destroy their entire universe if she messed up, and Two, at how Kasumi was acting. Her sister almost always smiled, and when she didn't there was definitely something wrong. They both shook their heads as the other redhead began to awaken…  
  
****  
  
Jisuse-chan scowled as she walked down the stairs, rubbing the back of her skull. "Damn… I knew she had a hell of a swing, but that was ridiculous…" she muttered in English. "What a tomboy. Ranma was right though, she's cute when she smiles…" Jisuse-chan grinned slightly. "Still, too much of a tomboy for me. Now, Kasumi, on the other hand…" she muttered as her grin turned lecherous. "Heh heh heh… stop that, you're going to get a nosebleed, Jesse…"  
  
Jisuse-chan walked into the room that the Saotomes were assigned. She grabbed a futon and laid down upon it. "Better not screw this up anymore than it needs to be… Akane didn't seem too happy with Ranma either, so…" **You're on your own, kid! I'm goin' to sleep!** she screamed mentally at Ranma.  
  
****  
  
Ranma-chan opned her eyes, a blinding light burning the backs of her eyes. She knew the scientific terms for these organs in her eyes in Nihongo and in English, but she didn't bother to try and remember what they were. **Great… go ahead and leave me here, you little pervert! I hope you get stuck in that form for the rest of your life, JESSE!!!**  
  
Her scream went unprotected, the wavelength silent. Jisuse-chan was asleep by now. She slowly opened her eyes the rest of the way, taking the rag off of her head.  
  
"Look, she's awake," Kasumi said. "Are you okay?" Kasumi smiled slightly.  
  
Ranma-chan got to her knees, groaning in pain as she felt the base of her skull.  
  
"Akane's really a very sweet girl," Kasumi stated. "She just a little, high spirited," she said as she began to clean up.  
  
"Oh good, Kasumi, like that explains everything," Nabiki stated sarcastically.  
  
****  
  
Akane glared at her hands as she scrubbed off the frustrations of the day. *How dare he! That-that boy! How could he!* She clenched her fist as she continued to glare at her hands.  
  
****  
  
Jisuse-chan snapped her eyes open as she sensed Ranma-chan's presence within the house. *Oh no…* she thought as Ranma-chan walked down the stairs. *I'd better hurry…*  
  
****  
  
Ranma-chan rubbed the back of her head as she walked down the stairs. "Ouch…" she muttered. "What kind of girl is she, anyway?"  
  
Ranma-chan headed towards the bath, but gasped as a red streak passed her, yelling, "Don't wait up, Ranma-CHAN!!!!" Ranma-chan seethed as she glared at Jisuse-chan's backside while it sped towards the bathhouse.  
  
"You motherfucker!" Ranma-chan shouted back. "I'll get you for that! As soon as this bump stops hurting.  
  
****  
  
Jisuse-chan smirked as she dashed by the distracted Ranma-chan. Jisuse-chan tapped a few pressure points around the area that Akane had so thoughtfully smashed with the piece of broken table. "Don't wait up, Ranma- CHAN!" she screamed as she ran past her friend. She didn't hear Ranma- chan's reply as she sped on to the baths. *He'll thank me for this later.*  
  
****  
  
Jisuse-chan stripped out of her shirt and put it in the hamper in the changing room. *I really hope Akane isn't still in here…* she thought as she headed towards the door to the furo. Jisuse-chan gasped as Akane popped through the doorway, drying her hair with a towel.  
  
Akane jumped back slightly when she bumped into one of the Saotome siblings. She glanced at the redhead's body, running her eyes up and down its front. Her gaze quickly turned into a glare as she saw her eyes. Green eyes. Jisuse's green eyes. This was twice that he had seen her in all her glory.  
  
"Here we go… come on Akane, quit staring and slap me already!" Jisuse- chan scowled as she produced her own glare at the raven-haired beauty.  
  
Akane's eyes widened and she unclenched her hand. With one mighty swing, she decked the redhead. Akane pulled her hand back as the door opened and Ranma-chan stepped in. She gasped when she saw Jisuse on the floor, a bruise on the side of her face. Akane stepped up to Ranma-chan and smacked on the cheek, leaving a bruise on a person's face for the second time that night.  
  
****  
  
Tick tock tick tock, the clock continued to sound off the time in clicks.  
  
"But you were all girls at the time, right?" Nabiki asked as she stared at Akane. "So that makes it okay, then, doesn't it?" Nabiki brought her knees up to her chest as she questioned her sister.  
  
Akane scowled, as she thought it over. "Okay, is not the word," she spat as she looked over her shoulder.  
  
Jisuse and Ranma frowned as they stared out at the pond. Both teenagers growled as they glanced at the old man who had trained them.  
  
"So she's got spunk," Genma said. "That makes a fiancé even more cute."  
  
Jisuse scowled as he moved his glance towards Akane. **Sorry, Ranma… I thought… I could stop her from doing it…**  
  
"Cute, is not the word," both boys said in unison. They turned their gaze to Akane, and glared at her as she did the same to them.  
  
"She's definitely not cute," Ranma spat as he turned his head away.  
  
"I second the notion," Jisuse said as he turned his head away from Akane as well.  
  
Both boys scowled as they held their heads up by their cheeks. Unfortunately, both had forgotten about the bruises they had sustained. As soon as their hands touched the bruises, their faces scrunched up in a mask of pain. "OUCH!"  
  
  
  
This was another crappy story brought to you in part by Rumiko Takahashi. Her contribution was the Ranma ½ manga and anime, but she does not know about this little project as of late. If any of you little twerps tell her, I will personally rip your nose off and throw you into a pit of starving cats!!! This has also been brought to you in part by Jisuse Saotome himself For those of you who don't know by now who that is, I feel very sorry for you, and wish you the best of luck in the autistic ward of your local asylum. As you can tell by this work, I am certifiably insane and should be locked away for life! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Sorry… j/k… ^_^; I need to get out more often… the cage they put me in is kind of small… Well, my little minions will be there to guide you along the detours to hell as soon as this is brought out of the woodwork. I love to rant…  
  
03/26/02: I am putting this out for public review… No Control – Part II is not easy to write, I can tell you that… My mental faculties are starting to deteriorate as I try to come up with something that doesn't sound like complete bullshit. Still need help with that Kasumi scene, you half-assed bozos!! I'd love to add one in, but I need some help! Well, I'm considering this the Alpha version, because it needs to be fine-tuned and all of that bullshit, but let to let you know, I copied this idea from a lot of different fanfic writers…heh heh heh… although they didn't put it quite this way… As you can tell, I have a flare for the dramatic, and I hope you liked it. It just goes to show what can happen when have too much free time…  
  
Congratulations for reading yet another of my fanfics in its entirety! You have surpassed the level of No Control and have stepped into the horrific level of my Self-Insert! You may rest at the convenient rest area and gain your footing, because it only gets worse from here… 


	2. School is no Place for Fcking Off

Neo-37 Inc.

Presents:

The Twins ½

By:

Ashura Ayanami

AKA

Jesse Lawrence-Hayden 

Disclaimer: Yes, it has been 5 years since the last time we last spoke. I apologize for that. You see, I have been… predisposed lately. All previous disclaimers apply. I'm feeling particularly lazy.

"School Is No Place for Fucking Off"

Morning, hazy. The sky was a mix of white and grey, the buildings being hidden from view. Sunlight was covered, and the day was dreary as it began. There was a fog in the area, covering the ground nicely.

Akane was on her morning jog, punching to end the monotony of the run. Kicking out, she neared the dojo's gates. She was barely sweating, even in the humidity, her red shorts and orange shirt clashing with each other horribly.

Entering the gate, she heard a shout, and the sound of flesh impacting flesh. She was indignant and annoyed as she ran back out the gate, and then turned to face her home.

"What is it with that family anyway?!" she muttered, a glare already set on her face. She then entered again, ignoring the sounds of combat.

Inside the house of Soun Tendo, in the dining room cum back porch, Nabiki came along, wearing her PJs, which were pastel green with little puppy prints on them. A toothbrush hung from her mouth as she yawned and glared outside at the combatants.

"Well, aren't they full of pep this morning," she muttered, thoroughly annoyed. She was also frustrated, since their houseguests had so many mysteries surrounding them. No one really answered her, her father with his nose in a newspaper, nodding, and grunting at what she said.

The rest of the family walked in, Kasumi holding a basket with food in it, Akane just getting in from her morning run.

"Mr. Saotome! Ranma, Jisuse!" Kasumi called out, her ever present smile lighting her face. "Let's have some breakfast, shall we?"

The name of the game was "The First One In." Ranma, Jisuse and Genma fought like cats and dogs, mongoose strike for midair kangaroo kick. Jisuse tried a double leg sweep, while Ranma locked horns with Genma. Jisuse flew in, trying to drop kick Genma into the koi pond, but the fat man was having none of that. He shifted his weight, pulling Ranma out of the way as well, but Jisuse swung his arms out and latched onto the old bastard's wrist. With Jisuse on his head, using a Ground and Pound maneuver, and Ranma keeping Genma's wrists locked, the eldest Saotome quickly got fed up with it, and pushed Ranma away, causing Jisuse to jump off of him at the sudden movement. Ranma landed on a big boulder next to the pond, while Jisuse and Genma each landed on flatter rocks surrounding the pond. They had landed in an equilateral triangle.

Akane was a little jealous at their skill, but she couldn't find herself praising them. She did give the men credit where it was due, however. "Well, I guess they are pretty good."

Kasumi, Nabiki and their father had all taken their places at the table. Kasumi chuckled as she spoke. "So energetic."

Still in a ready stance, Genma smirked. "Okay boys, let's break for breakfast!" With that he leaped into the air.

Jisuse reacted first, as he had heightened his awareness as much as he could since he had gotten there. Ranma was not far behind. The three men met over the general center of the koi pond, fists and feet flying. Jisuse was strong, yes, but his reflexes were not honed by instinct, which came from years and years of fighting. He knew all the forms that Ranma knew, had taught Ranma in the use of ki blasts, but his fighter's instincts were not ingrained into his soul. So then, that he was fighting the Master of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, and its number one student, in pure hand o hand combat, with no ki blasts or attacks, except those needed to jump so high into the air, it was a no wonder he was the first one in the pond. A solid punch had caught him right in the chest, ending his time in the bout.

Ranma wasn't far behind, though, a good kick nailing him in the kidneys. He too fell into the pond with a resounding splash.

Kasumi, while a lovely specimen of womanly beauty, did tend to state the obvious a bit too much. Or seemed to ignore blatantly obvious facts. She smiled after sipping a bit of tea. "And on and empty stomach, too!"

Genma landed on one of the rocks outside the koi pond. "You boys sure are getting damn sloppy! Hahahahahahahaha-!!!" SPL-SPLASH! CL-CLANG! A tub and a big bucket of water doused the fat fool, the metal instruments of pain smacked into his fat skull at almost the same time. Standing on either side of the injured one was a redhead in loosely fitting kenpo gi. The one on the right side of the lard bucket kept her eyes closed and muttered, "Oh yeah?" her voice rose as she trembled. "Now look who's being sloppy!"

"Fat panda! Don't make me Hadoken your lard ass!" The green-eyed redhead shouted, swinging her pail threateningly.

Ranma had been smacked over the head with the metal tub she had used to soak her father with. Jisuse had been smart enough to keep her metal instrument of divine retribution, but ended up having to dodge the tub anyway.

With her hand behind her head, trying to tame her uncombed hair, Nabiki commented dryly, "It must run in the family."

Akane on the other hand stared in disbelief at how insane their new houseguests were.

Kasumi put she hand to her cheek, and said, with sincerity, "Oh my. I imagine Mr. Saotome will need something different for breakfast." She reached under the table and pulled out a big platter of bamboo chunks, slamming them down on the table because they were heavy.

The sun had risen a little higher, burning off the fog of the early morn. A Panda and two young girls sat in the bath, steam rising and flowing out the window. Water dripped from their showerhead, more steam rising into the air.

Outside the gate of the Tendo Dojo, children and teenagers were walking to school or work. The day was serene.

Walking down the hall, the family of Martial artists began to talk. Genma seemed a bit annoyed, as if what he was saying didn't seem that important to him. "Well, we are going to be staying a while," He stated, looking at his sons.

"One of the few things I can actually count on you getting right, lard ass," Jisuse smirked slightly, his emerald eyes glancing over at his brother. "Crap… You suck, Ranma.."

Ranma was shaking with anger at his father. "Well what about what I think?"

"Shut up, Ranma…" Jisuse muttered, scowling.

"Don't I get to have some say in this?" he continued on, preparing to make an ass of himself. "Who died and made you boss?!" he then kicked his old man in the face, in a straightforward kick, no skill, just violence. He huffed slightly, then brought his foot down, scowling. "So there."

Jisuse smacked him in the back of the head with his prepared backpack, growling. He had gotten it yesterday, in fact, because he knew they would be staying there indefinitely. His new father was a lazy moocher, and the free meals he would take as long as he could get them. "You're a damn fool!" He stalked ahead, disappearing around a corner.

"H-hey! Where are you going?!" Ranma shouted, looking at his brother's moving back.

Nabiki came out of the door behind Ranma, her hair finally brushed down and smooth. She was wearing the standard Furinkan High uniform, as ugly as it was. "Hi there!" She spun around Ranma, grinning. "You'll be going to the same school as Akane and me! See ya later!" She began to walk off, leaving Ranma to stare at another retreating back.

Akane's voice called out to her sister from the other room. "Nabiki, wait!" She was scrambling to get her stuff together. "I'll go with you!"

Ranma had turned to look for the voice, then turned back to Nabiki as she spoke. He looked nervous as hell for a martial artist.

"What are you talking about?" She chided her sister, a smile in her voice. "Ranma is your fiancé, remember? You should walk him to school."

Hey Nabiki, that's not fair!" Akane came out of the other room, her book bag in hand. She looked nonplussed, until she almost literally ran into Ranma. She looked at him, and scowled, her brown eyes taking on a slight glare.

Ranma didn't take too kindly to her either, still remembering the slap on his cheek and the table to the head. He was glad they had a second table. Apparently Akane had broken a few in her time. They stared at each other, thinking things only they knew, sizing the other up. Akane finally broke their staring contest.

Muttering a bit angrily, she turned away from Ranma. "Well, come on then, let's get going." She started walking off too. "What are you waiting for?" her hand went through her hair. "I'll just go alone!

Ranma put his hands on his hips, and scowled. "Well, maybe I'm not ready to go to school yet!" he said indignantly, scowling. His father, as a panda, just seemed to appear, holding Ranma's book bag. Ranma jumped back a little, surprise plain on his face, his body in a defensive posture. The panda was glaring at him, daring him not to take it.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll go!" he shouted, muttering murderous words in English as he grabbed the bag from his panda dad. He ran off as well, following Akane.

Genma-panda and Tendo-san watched as their kids took off for school. Tendo still had the paper in his hands for some reason. Genma munched into a bit of bamboo while Soun nodded his head.

Jisuse got the hell out of there as fast as possible. This would turn interesting, as Ranma wouldn't be the one to take on Kuno this morning. Though, he did wonder. They had passed through the Azabu-Juban district yesterday, in the early morning. The fat fuck would never have gotten the money to pay for a ride to the Tendo's, since he sucked balls. The place looked like it had taken some major structural damage in certain places, like the park, the Juuban middle and high school, and that jewelry story they had passed. Jisuse and Ranma had to beat the old fuck for staring at the jewels like they were food, his favorite thing in the world. Of course, considering whom he was thinking about, they amounted to the same thing. Fat pig.

Looking up into the air, Jisuse sighed. The time to look for the Meatball Head and her friends would come later. He just had a feeling they might be around. And if they were, mm. It'd be fun teasing Makoto. Big breasts. Yummy. The other blonde, though, no. He didn't particularly like blondes that much; especially ones that embodied the stereotypes that blondes have been associated with. And, of course he could ask Nabiki questions so she could make some money back from him.

Snorting slightly, then raven-haired young man followed Nabiki's running form, smirking slightly. She wasn't even winded from the speed she was going at. He ran to the other side of the street though, without making a noise, getting away from the water-slinging woman as he recognized where they were.. "Hey, 'Biki-chan! Wait up!"

She turned around and blinked, a very surprised look on her face. "Damn it, don't do that!"

"Bah, live a little, will ya!? Shit, be glad yer not dead yet!" He grinned, noticing she hadn't stopped running towards the school.

"Easy for you to say, Mr. Super Martial Artist!" she glared at him for a second, before her mask came up again. "Control. Yes, control," he heard her muttering. "What do you want, Saotome?"

Jisuse grinned slightly, green eyes running up and down her body, noticing that while she wasn't a competent Martial Artist, she was in very good shape, considering the way her legs flexed as she ran. "What? I can't follow my fiancé to school?"

Her mask slipped again as she stared at him in disbelief. "F-Fiancé?!" She still kept running, hopping up some stairs and such as she continued down towards the school.

"Yes. You'll do for now, unless I wanna torture Kasumi for a while. That damn old man ain't gonna give up on that, you know." Jisuse smirked, then picked her up. "If you really wanna get there early, come here."

He snatched her into his arms, and poured on some serious speed, jumping to the fence top. Nabiki gasped, but didn't scream, as they jumped and rushed forward at an amazing rate.

"Open your eyes, Tendo! I need directions, such as which way should I go from the top of the roofs!"

Nabiki opened her eyes, her breathing elevated. Just the short ride to the third story of the nearest building had been exhilarating. "T-that way!" She had gotten her bearings almost immediately, looking about quickly.

Jisuse took off again, roofhopping quickly and efficiently, landing in front of the school in less than 20 seconds. To Nabiki, it was the most invigorating ride she had taken. Much better than those damn roller coasters, because she felt so safe, as if she knew he wouldn't drop her. That thought disturbed her a bit, though, as she was not used to such emotion.

"Well, we're here."

Here was the roof of Furinkan High School. How had they gotten up here so fast?

"Figured you wouldn't want people seeing us together just yet like that. Come on, 'Biki-chan. We have things to discuss." With that, he headed towards the stairway door, smirking over his shoulder.

Nabiki walked besides him, staring at the young man.

Jisuse smirked slightly, stopping them both before they got anywhere near the lower floor. "Nabiki, I have some questions. I'm willing to pay 50,000 yen for this information, possibly more, as long as you consider what I pay as my and Ranma's rent. I freeload off of no one if I can help it. If you can answer me to my full satisfaction, I'll even put in a 20,000 yen bonus."

She smirked slightly. If it had anything to do with Nerima, she usually had the dirt.

"It concerns Azabu-Juban."

Then again, maybe not. She scratched her head. "I'll try and answer the best I can. I want to see if you can pay though, first."

He pulled out a big wad of yen, waving it in front of her. "A few investments here and there, on my own, of course, and I get what I need. Now let me ask the questions."

He scratched his head, and frowned, wishing he could get rid of this stupid pigtail. "First off, have there been a rash of monster attacks there, rumor or confirmed?"

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Well, yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, yet. Just wondering some things." He smirked slightly. "Who takes care of the monsters?"

"Well, from what I've heard, a group of school girls running around in skimpy outfits are killing monsters in Azabu-Juban, calling themselves the Sailor Senshi." Nabiki was thoroughly confused.

"Crap. So this isn't only one series, but an anime universe…"

"Wait, you know the Sailor Senshi?"

'Yeah, I know them, I know some rather interesting details, too..' he thought to himself, stretching a bit. "Can't say. I know Pluto's not gonna be happy, though, that's for sure."

"Pluto?" Even Nabiki was actually starting to look confused.

"Senshi of Time, Guardian of the Gates of Time. Has a carefully laid out timeline leading to a virtual paradise. Cleansed of ALL evil in the hearts of men and monster alike." Jisuse chuckled a bit, and straightened. "Oh, here's the money." He handed over 70,000 yen to the girl, watching her blink in surprise again. "Yeah, you answered my questions to my satisfaction. I didn't say how many there would be, now did I?"

Nabiki blinked yet again, and then watched as Jisuse started walking down the stairs again. "Well, This should be your floor, 'Biki-chan. See ya later, I guess." He opened the door for her. "Oh, and don't worry about me after school. I'll be a little busy putting the information you gave me to use."

Nabiki stared for a few moments more, before heading off to class to meet with her associates. Things were finally starting to look interesting.

"Good morning, Ladies, do I have something to tell you…" she said as she entered her homeroom.

Jesse smirked slightly, his crystal-like green eyes looking back up the stairway. "Eh, what the hell. Guess I could see what it's like for the hell of it. Time for Kuno Stomping!"

While that was going on, Ranma and Akane were headed towards the school themselves. Unlike Jisuse and Nabiki, they were walking. Ranma was on a fence top, though. Unfortunately for whoever crossed Akane's path, she had a look of extreme agitation on her face.

Without even looking at the pigtailed boy, she spoke to him. "Just remember we're strangers, okay?"

Ranma had his eyes closed, as if he just didn't care what she said. Inside, however, he was of two minds. 'She wanted to be my FRIEND!? And this is how she's going to act? What a conceited bitch!' The other voice, which could be construed as his conscience, commented as well. 'And heartless, can't forget that.' Neither was happy at the apparent betrayal from last night. "You're telling me?"

"I don't want you hanging around me at the time when we're at school, do you understand? And that goes for your gender bending freak of a brother, too." Akane's mood was really starting to tick Ranma off.

"Don't worry about that," he said, with a good amount of disgust in his voice. "I can't stand tomboys like you."

With that last bit of information, Akane stopped walking, and scowled for a second, trying to put it together. Her brain inserted the program Attack First Ask Later, and she wound up her bag to throw at him.

That was, until Ranma's fat, pathetic excuse of a father came rocketing down along the fencetop, and punched Ranma in the back of the head. Ranma almost lost his balance, but regained it quickly.

"Hey!" he yelled indignantly. "Whatcha do that for?!" He rubbed the back of his head, glaring at his father.

"You're in no position to be picky about women!" He got right in Ranma's face, invading his personal space.

Akane just blinked, her bookbag still over her head. "Hmm?"

"Listen Ranma, I've told you a thousand times—" Before he could continue, Ranma leaned down a bit, and tripped his old man off of the fence, and into the canal on the side of the small back road on the route to Furinkan. With his arms crossed, he had most of his weight on his right leg, his left leg sticking out and on the railing for balance, though he didn't really need to. He twisted around so he was facing the canal, and grinned.

"Hey, what's wrong Pop?! Weren't you gonna say somethin'?!" he shouted down to the water below.

The panda that jumped out of the canal and took a swipe at Ranma didn't seem to phase him at all, as he dodged the lumbering beast my moving back along the fence, almost like a crab walking, but only using two appendages, his legs. The panda followed after in his anger, swiping and clawing at Ranma in a martial arts stance. As soon as Ranma came to the end of the fence, he back flipped to gain some breathing room. He landed with his hands on his hip, and a small smirk on his face.

"What a lame attack." His arrogance cost him, though, as he was unexpectedly splashed with water from the nearby sidewalk washing lady.

Now a she, Ranma stood there, trying to hold up her pants as Akane and Genma-panda stared at her.

"What was that you were saying?"

In a small office building, Akane called out for someone, anyone, really.

"Hello… Hello! Anyone here? Good morning!"

The two teens walked through the door. It was kind of bland for a door.

"Wait here," Akane said, annoyed. "I'll go borrow some hot water."

Ranma walked in with her hands in her pockets. "That's okay, don't bother," she retorted, just as annoyed.

From down the hall Akane answered with, "You don't want to go to school as a girl, do you?"

Ranma sighed and began to look around. "Oh boy. What a way to start things off." She looked around, noticing that Akane had brought her to a doctor's office. "Now I'm gonna be late," she mumbled to herself.

She didn't notice the bony hand that was creeping up on her shoulder until it was too late. By then she had already screamed in surprise and was hanging on the door.

The hand waved at Ranma as she turned around. The skeleton that the hand was attached to saluted the poor girl and said, "Pardon me!" in a high falsetto. The puppet master came from behind the skeleton, smiling innocently. He wore round wire frame glasses and a brown gi-like suit. His hair was brown, as well as his eyes. He bowed the skeleton, laughing humbly.

"Hi, don't be afraid," he said, still smiling. "This is Betty, my skeleton. Lovely complexion, don't you think?"

Ranma was trying to decide whether or not to pummel the guy for scaring her like that. She stared back at him, glaring and mumbling.

"Ranma, here's the hot-" SLAM! The door closed on Ranma's fingers, crushing them. Her fingers held her on the door, glowing red from the pain.

Akane's attitude completely changed as soon as she saw the man in the brown gi holding the skeleton. "Oh, hello Dr. Tofu! Good morning to you!" She bowed in deference to him.

"And good morning to you." Dr. Tofu smiled at the girl, as if she were a little kid. "You haven't been by lately. No new injuries?"

Akane looked down, almost as if blushing. "No sir," she said looking to the side, then back to the front. "I mean I haven't been doing things that would, hurt me." She was definitely blushing now.

Ranma-chan looked at Akane with a questioning look in her eyes, then back at Tofu-sensei, then back to the dark-haired girl. "A-ha!" She grinned quietly, as if getting the joke of the century.

It was 8:26 when they left the doctor's office. The city was choked with smog, and the sound of car horns. The two teens came around the corner as Jisuse came running towards them on the other fence. He hopped in line with Ranma, and turned around, running after them. He quietly dove into Ranma's memories, and growled slightly.

"Hey, Queen Bitch!" Jisuse growled out at Akane.

Akane blinked, then gave Jisuse her patented Glare of Divine Retribution. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?"

"Now that I have your attention," Jisuse went on without missing a beat. "Call me a freak again like that, and I'll break my size nine's in your ass."

Ranma winced in sympathy for Akane, while she stared at the green-eyed boy in disbelief.

"How?"

"None of your damn business!"

"ALRIGHT! Enough. Bickering." Ranma glared back at his brother for a second. "So… that guy studies Martial Arts?"

Akane and Jisuse were keeping step, Jisuse even going a step further to cartwheel along the fencetop. Akane stared for a moment before answering Ranma with, "Huh? How could you tell?"

Ranma's eye twitched for a second. "Oh, I can tell. Sneaking up on me that way. I didn't even hear him coming." He was remembering the office and Tofu's little prank.

The three of them passed a few houses, with Akane smiling. "True, he's very good. He's a very strong Martial Artist." She still had that stupid smile on her face. "He certainly doesn't look it, does he?" They were now headed down the alleyway that Jisuse and Ranma used when they first got to the Nerima Prefecture. "Ever since I was little, whenever something was wrong, he'd make it better."

Ranma looked perplexed. But that ended when he came to an obstacle he couldn't see around. He and Jisuse jumped down from the fencetops and ran with Akane."

"But I thought-" Ranma began.

"That you were gay, isn't that right, Ranma-kun?" Jisuse said with a stupid grin on his face.

"What?!" Ranma glared back at Jisuse before looking at Akane.

"WHAT?!" Akane's response was growing typical.

"I HATE BOYS!" she screamed as she sped up.

Up ahead, the entire male half of the school came streaming out of the school. It was now 8:30 AM, according to the school clock.

"What the?!" Ranma gaped in surprise at the amount of people out for Akane's hide.

"Akane Tendo, I love you!"

"This is for you!"

Boxers, sumo wrestlers, hockey players, fencers, judo students, all came for Akane. Akane nailed the sumo wrestler in the stomach with her bag, then she began to systematically destroy the other student athletes.

Ranma and Jisuse were on top of the fence, Jisuse standing while Ranma was in a crouch.

"Whoa, she's somethin' else," Ranma muttered, perplexed. The fighting massacre continued in the school yard. "What's she-?"

"She's fighting the entire male population of the school, Ranma," Jisuse muttered. "What's it look like, moron!?"

"Ranma! Jisuse!" Nabiki's voice rang out. "Quit your gawking and get to class! They both look up to the second floor, where Nabiki was hanging out with her friends a.k.a. business associates. "Better get moving or you're going to be late!"

"Quiet, 'Biki-chan! We'll be fine!" Jisuse grinned evilly, awaiting the main event.

"Don't blame me when you're out in the hall holding buckets!" Nabiki replied, annoyed with the nickname.

The fight was winding down. Akane palmed a guy under the chin, knocking his out, then continued on fighting.

"Akane knows what she's doing!" Nabiki shouted, seeing Ranma's worried face. "She does this every morning."

"Oh." Akane jumped, roundhousing the American Football player, and a rugby student before jumping on a tennis player's head. She then dropped down on another student, and punted the hockey goalkeeper, knocking the poor fool out and sending him flying. She brought her leg down, and got into a stance for a second, just in case there were attackers. Seeing none, she got out of her stance. Slightly winded she brushed back a strand of hair from her face.

"Honestly, you'd think they would have all learned by now.

They were now officially late for school, all three of them. Akane had beaten the horde in less than three minutes.

A rose was launched at Akane, but this time history changed.

Jisuse jumped down from the fence, and caught the rose. He grinned secretively, then proclaimed, "Thank you, o great womanizer! But I'm not your type. I hope."

Kuno was struck speechless. For about 5 seconds, anyway.

"Cursed dog, how dare you!"

"Shut up and get to the fighting."

"I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall dispatch thee, knave!" He rushed Jisuse, snarling.

"Oh, is this how it works, then?" Jisuse back flipped, dodging Kuno's wooden blade. "I'm Jisuse Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts." Jisuse got into a stance. "Sister School to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

"Sister school?!" The entire population of the school started talking.

"And I accept the challenge of he True Blunder of Furinkan High." His hands moved defensively.

The sky was overcast, dark and stormy weather abound. Lightning struck the ground in front of the fighters, as if the gods as if the gods themselves were enjoying this match up.

Standing in the second story window were Nabiki and her accomplices. They began to comment on the upcoming fight.

"Look, someone's trying to take on Kuno!"

"Talk about living dangerously."

The rest of the school kids started crowding the window, shouting out things like "What an idiot!" or "Moron!"

The combatants paid them no mind, staring each other down in silence. Kuno spoke first, of course.

"The Vengeance of Heaven-"

"Is slow but sure, yeah, yeah. Shut up, know your role, and shut your MOUTH!" Jisuse then flipped Kuno off, before saying, "Just bring it!" and waved him on once, closing his hand in a fist.

"So you've been hounding Akane, eh? Even going so far as to using her School's name. I, Tatewaki Kuno shall bring you to justice!"

Lightning struck once again.

"Hounding?! I seduced her sister, not her!" He stayed in his ready stance, grinning evilly.

"WHAT!?" came from four directions, Nabiki upstairs, Akane who was next to him, Ranma, who was on the fence, and Tatewaki himself.

"What? It's none of your business, bitches!" Jisuse smirked, then flipped Kuno off again.

"He's just staying at our house, Kuno!"

"Silence, fool!" he came charging in an overhead swing, growling.

Jisuse put an end to that in what looked like three blows. A finger strike to the forehead, a hard punch in the face, and the greatest insult of all time, next to fondling a woman without their permission, a swift, violent kick to the nuts. And just for laughs, he tapped the Shiatsu Erection Point.

"And that's the end of the psychotic Kuno line," Jisuse smirked again as he tiook in the faces around him. "Look! I think Kuno enjoyed that!" He pointed at Kuno's crotch, while the entire school started laughing "Ew! He really is gay!"

Akane stared. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

"Because it's not fair to hit a someone there," Jisuse said, waving Ranma down from the fence. "But, to get your point across, sometimes a little humiliation goes a long way."

Ranma chuckled. "Well, you got the point across. Whatever it was."

Jisuse grinned. "Wait till I get my steel toed boots and my own clothes," he said, pointing to the red shirt. His green eyes flashed with mischief. "Then I can cause some serious damage!"

Water drops hit Jisuse's hair. "Shit! Run!"

Akane continued to stare after the brothers, even as Jisuse kicked Kuno in the nuts and stepped on his crotch, then his body as if he were refuse, before both of them headed into the school. The rain came down just after they got inside.

In Nabiki's class, the students were getting ready for another boring school day. Tatewaki was taking a moment to read the Kanji/romanji etched into his forehead. A better word would have been gouged, since the marks were carved into Kuno's frontal cranium with Jisuse's fingernails. The Kanji and Roman letters in his forehead read "I am a roody-poo candy ass!" Some of the students passed by Kuno's desk and laughed, then went on their way to their seats.

Nabiki stood by her desk, her hands on the surface of the wood. Kuno had a mirror in his hand, checking on the marks, grumbling under his breath.

"So, you're telling me that you didn't even feel him doing that to you?" Nabiki said, hiding the mirth behind a cool gaze.

"Jisuse Saotome… I knew he wasn't good, but this is atrocious!" Kuno replied, holding his hair out of the way. He slammed the mirror down on the desk, growling out, "My name is spelled this way!" He went to the chalkboard and wrote out some kanji. The word meant "capable."

Nabiki also wrote out a word, utilizing almost the same kanji. But the way he spelled it meant "Incapable."

"Isn't it more like this?" she said, straightfaced.

Kuno leaned over, glqaring at her. "You realize that I hate you."

Nabiki stared back, her gaze cold and mocking. "Ooh, I'm so scared."

The rain finally stopped. The sun shone brightly through the clouds. Rain water dripped from the leaves.

The teacher began introductions. "It seems we have two new students here at Furinkan High. Their names are Jisuse and Ranma Saotome." The teqacher looked up from his paperwork. "It seems they just returned from a trip to China, so let's all give them a warm 'Nihao' welcome. "

Both twins grimaced slightly, but otherwise, no reaction was shown.

"However, that doesn't excuse the fact that they and Akane tendo were late so-"

"Hold it Teach!" Jisuse decided to butt in. "We do have an excuse."

"Mr. Saotome, I don't see what that has to do with being-"

"Shut up and listen then!"

"Mr. Saotome!-"

"Now listen. Me and Akane were assaulted this morning by one of this school's students. One of your top athelets, I believe, a Mr. Tatewaki Kuno. I'm thinking of pressing charges for reckless endangerment, assault, and indecent exposure." His face was a cold mask that even intimidated the teacher. "And, Ranma and I just moved to this area, so that's another excuse."

The entire class was muttering how like Nabiki he was.

"Uh…" The teacher was dumbfounded. "Take your seats then."

Out in the hall, no one stood holding buckets. At least not this day.

The halls were surprisingly quiet. Only the sound of car horns was heard. In a class down on the floor below Ranma, Jisuse, and Akane, a certain fool was posturing once again.

"Fiancé?" Kuno sputtered. "Ranma Saotome is her Fiancé!?"

Nabiki decided to make it worse. "Uh huh. His daddy and my daddy decided. Akane's gonna marry Ranma." The poor girl was already bored. She knew this would be his reaction as he stood up and slammed his hands down on his desk.

"DARGH! Not RANMA!" Kuno screamed. This earned him a chalk piece in the forehead.

"Kuno! Go stand in the hall!"

Tatewaki was dumbfounded. "Yes Sir."

Nabiki looked away in annoyance.

Jisuse had never been to a Japanese school before. Now that he had, he knew why Ranma always slept in class. There his brother went, sleeping away. Lazy twit.

Up yours Jesse.

Yeah, keep sleeping moron.

Again, up yours. I'm amazed yer not asleep. He's SO boring!

Jisuse snorted, not acknowledging that with an answer. He stared at the teacher with what seemed like a glare, but was in fact him staring into space. He wouldn't give the current teacher the satisfaction of making him fall asleep. He glanced at Akane, and noted her facial features. Something about her royally pissed him off. Perhaps it was her standoffish attitude. Maybe it was the way her eyes glared at him occasionally all through dinner till bedtime.

Akane looked up and met Jisuse's gaze with a glare, then looked a little thankful.

Jisuse kept his stare into space glare on Akane, until she looked away, then looked back at the teacher. Good God, was this guy boring! He twisted his head as he heard the door swing open.

"RANMA SAOTOME!?!" Kuno stomped into the room like a raging bull.

Jisuse silently cheered at the welcome and new distraction. This was something he had expected, but didn't know when the goof would show up. Thank god he showed up now. Ranma on the other hand, was already on his feet and dodging the kendoist's bokuten.

Crap. Time for some crowd control. Taking a jump, Jisuse bounded after the two, growling to himself. "FUCK!" Apparently there was no time for crowd control.

"If you want to fight, Kuno, then follow me!" Apparently the Gods weren't going to allow that big of a time change.

Akane stared in disbelief while Jisuse ran after them.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Akane shouoted before throwing a nearby book at the ground.

Jisuse on the other hand was already far ahead of the pack, but not close enough to hear. He screamed at the top of his lungs, but Ranma was still too busy dodging what the Kendoist was throwing at him.

Let's take the fastest way out!" Ranma shouted as he jumped from a window.

Kuno wasn't far behind. "Very well!" He leapt out as well, flinging himself away from the window.

Jisuse cursed. It was too late. So, he jumped out as well, preparing to angle himself on top of Ranma.

Down the trio went, as Akane and the entire class ran to the window.

"But this is the third floor!" Akane shouted as she got to the window.

"Don't worry Akane!" Ranma said. "It's not-"

"LOOK DOWN!" Jisuse screamed in rage at Ranma, royally pissed, angling his body to move faster through the air.

Kuno was freaking out. He had never jumped from such a height.

Down below was the worst sight Ranma had ever seen. The school pool. "FUCK! Why does it always have to be water?!"

Three big splashes, and down they went, into the pool.

Akane and the other students looked on, but AKane was the most surprising. "Ranma… Jisuse." She was as worried as her classmates.

Author's Notes (and apologies):

10/13/07 – Yes, yes, it's been close to 5 or 6 years since I started the Twins ½ and No Control. I found out there's another version of No Control out on the web. I did not know about it when I made the title, but it's there, so look for it if you're interested in strange coincidences.NC is put on hold for a while. Probably indefinitely. After 5-6 years, The Twins ½ continues! This chapter was a building chapter in that it's shorter than that episode it's based on, and that Jisuse got an excused tardy. This gives me more room to work with in the next chapter, as well as more problems, because as you can see, I'm adding a second series to the mix. The infamous Ranma ½ / Sailor Moon crossover. But only Jisuse will be fighting with or maybe against the Sailor Senshi.

10/19/07 – I seem to have finally finished the beta type out. Spell checking and sending will be done asap. Possibly today.

Well, until next time, True Believers!


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